Sunday, February 20, 2011

A Struggle One Cannot Comprehend

One night four weeks ago has changed my life and those close to me forever. In a matter of a week, I lost my faith in law enforcement, people and God. I have been through a lot of adversity in my life, but all of that adversity does not compare with what I feel today. I am more fortunate than others because I have support and believe my loved one has just as much support. However, I wonder as everyone gets on with their regular daily routines, will that support dwindle away to the point of nonexistence?

People mean well with their words of "putting it into God's hands", "justice will prevail", "have faith", "stay strong", "you are strong", "move forward", "one step at a time", "you are in my prayers', and the list goes on and on and on....... Hate to tell you folks but my life cannot JUST move on right now. I have no control and the little bit of control I have is invested into providing whatever comfort I can to an innocent party who was railroaded by some lazy ass people who are more concerned with closing a case and watching a football game as they eat their fucking pizza than actually doing some REAL work and completing a thorough investigation because THAT person who should have been arrested walks free today because thus far has gotten away with it.

Investigation means just that investigating. To this day, one person was questioned, pressured and lied too because he trusted people whom today I would never trust. Add the fact that he had just experienced a horrific trauma, did not sleep for two days, was ignorant of lying law enforcement and what do we have, a closed case. Am I angry? You are fucking right, I am angry. I was in the house, however, I was not questioned. Before those pricks came to my house, they had already picked out their victim and like a bunch of blood thirsty wolves they went in for the kill. "I do not feel comfortable having him go give a statement without a lawyer". The response I got was "it is an omission of guilt, if he goes with a lawyer". More lies. More corruption.

I will not even speak of the way he has been trashed in the media along with other members of my family. The media presents a story with half truths, but seems to leave out the parts where truth may prevail. Again, no investigation. Even the fucking reporters do not investigate, before they write their stories. I wonder how many innocent people sit in prison because of such tactics? Then, there are some blogs out there that dissect a person/s, with opinions but no evidence. It makes you hate the world. It makes you think would it be better to just consume those 90 Valium that sit in one's purse?

A home that was always full of children, laughing, playing, cuddling and watching movies has ended in this house. A little girl's bedroom has been disassembled. I would not even bring those children here because I had to pack away their little lives because I have to sell and move out of a home and neighborhood that I love. I no longer feel safe here. My neighbors have been cruel. People speak none stop. Questions. Comments. Opinions. And all along I suffer a pain so deep that I fear this one thing could be the thing that breaks me. Change. Loss. Fear. That is my daily life from dawn to dusk and even beyond with the nightmares.

In four weeks, I have lost my entire way of life.