Christmas Corner

 

A small space in the living room to house a tiny tree with a few wooden ornaments, snowmen which represent Shaun, Trish, Joshua, Joseph, Shaun, Nikolas and Ava along with the Nativity Scene. I have not celebrated Christmas since 2010. This year I am celebrating on a smaller scale but at least I am celebrating. I spent nearly three years grieving. The grieving is in my past. I began  moving on this Fall. I am making the best out of the situation. I decided to focus on those who love me and care for me as I am. Some folks have fallen by the wayside and though it took longer for some of those folks to fall (because I could not let go despite behaviors) they are now tucked away in the recesses of my mind but no longer dominate my thoughts or feelings.

I purchased the tiny tree on Friday night in anticipation of Josh and Lynee's visit on Saturday. The visit was wonderful. We ate dinner, talked, laughed, opened gifts and spent the morning after chatting over delicious gourmet coffee. I sent home gifts for Ethan and Chelsea and was surprised when the 3 year old Ethan (under the supervision of Josh & Lynee) called in excitement to thank us for the gifts followed by an email message from the 18 year old Chelsea with a heart felt thank you.  It is really nice to feel appreciated though I must admit I give from my heart without expectation of a thanks.

After they went home this morning, I decided to add to the tiny tree so I went into storage and pulled out the container of decorations. I hesitated at the box for a moment as fear passed over me as I thought about what may be in the box that sat at my feet. I admit I was afraid I would see something that may bring sorrowful memories as it had been nearly three years since I opened this box. I wanted the Nativity Scene so I took a deep breath and opened the box and at the top were the pieces of the Nativity Scene. I was thankful that they sat on the top and I could avoid digging through the box. I did spot the snowmen with the kids/grandkids names on them so I pulled that decoration out as well. These few pieces became known as my Christmas Corner.

I do not know what the future will bring and I do not expect that it will be pain free. However, I believe in my heart that I will be alright as long as I have the love of my family and the protection of the Blessed Mary with God and Jesus.

Week in Pictures

I did not take very many pictures this past week on my I-Phone. Most of the week, I wore snow boots. The first day I wore the boots, I packed along a pair of flats to change into after I got to work. Well, I never changed into them and they still sit on the book shelf in my office, I wonder how long they will remain on that shelf. Ask me in the spring,

 

The reason I wore snow boots all week has to do with, "well". Snow.

It appeared fast and furious last Tuesday and really took me by surprise as I drove into work. Well. Tried to drive into work. This was my view from the dashboard. I tried to drive down Ridge Pike but got stuck before Church Rd behind a group of slip sliding cars. I cut down a side street and texted my first "Help" at 745am exactly 45mins after I left my home. (my total drive is less than 30mins) I made it to Germantown Pike and the hill near Chestnut Hill College was as far as I got. More. Cars. Stuck. On. Road. After another hour, I managed to turn the car around and slipped slide all the way down the hill. I will not mention all the hoping and praying on my way down. I made it to a side street where the Northwestern Stables are located pulled the car into a spot and took my first breath in two hours. I texted work. Called work. Sat on the side of the road in the cold snow until I called my husband who was stuck on the turnpike outside of King of Prussia then turned around and picked me up in his 4wheel drive.

Needless to say, I never made it to work and after a four hour ordeal was safely home looking at this view.

The next morning Bill drove me (630am) to the stables where I stood taking pictures of horses playing in the snow while Bill dug the car out. I am nice like that!

 

Yesterday my mom sent me a Christmas card with a check inside. Mom and Dad are going to Ireland with us in the spring. I knew she was sending me a check for her part of the hotel rooms so I had to laugh when I read this note inside.



Finally, I bought that little Christmas Tree at Whole Foods tonight. You remember the one I picked up then put back? Tonight, I saw it again and decided to buy it. Josh and Lynee are spending the day with us tomorrow so now we have both food and a tree.

The Christmas Tree

I had the day off. I guess there are some benefits to working the weekend. I watched the sun rise this morning despite the misty fog, drank a cup of hot brewed coffee, threw on some yoga pants and a hoodie and off I went to the gym before I went shopping at Whole Foods. I like to buy fruits, vegetables and bakery goods at Whole Foods and I like to buy my meats at the Acme. Whole Foods also has a nice flower shop where I often purchase flowers or plants. Today, I picked up then put down a mini-Christmas tree complete with lights, and ornaments. I have not decorated for Christmas or any other holiday since I felt forced out of my house in Roxborough more than two years ago. Prior to that I had loved to decorate for Christmas with a living tree, ornaments, lights, candles, stockings that truly hung over a fireplace and the annual open house on Christmas Eve. Tragedy stroked in early 2011 and any type of normal living went out the door. I went into survivor mode and in many aspects continued to do so. We stayed in the house for about eight months, but three break-ins forced us to rent out our house and move out of the city. I sometimes wonder if I will ever move back. It was the house of my dreams, large, old and full of warmth and charm. It was filled with happy memories of children laughing, the sound of kittens playing with their collar bells ringing, the site of family get-togethers, filled with love. God, I miss that feeling!

The mini-Christmas tree was 20 bucks. I picked it up, looked at it, thought about placing it on my dining room table, stopped, then put it back down. I could not bring myself to buy it anymore, than I could pull out the decorations packed away in a closet in the apartment I currently live at. I guess I am not ready to jump into any holiday season, though I must admit I am better this year. I did spend time with family at Thanksgiving and I bought Christmas gifts for the little ones thus far. I had thoughts of having family come over for a little Christmas cheer the weekend before Christmas. However, it is still just a thought. I am unsure whether or not I can actually go through with that sort of plan. Some people wonder why I would even share these personal thoughts or feelings on a blog site. I am a genealogist. I want a living record. I also know, I am not alone.