Nikolas's Birthday Weekend

We spent the past weekend celebrating Nikolas's birthday in the mountains at our usual spot "The Woodlands".  I was happy to see Nikolas is a reader. Despite Nikolas bringing his I-Pad, I spotted him reading a book in bed. 

 

Out of everything Nikolas could have chosen for his birthday gift, this is what he chose.
Yes. The mask talks.

We love traveling with the grandkids.
We really do enjoy ourselves and the kids always have a lot of fun.

We explored Boulder Field.

If you have not realized it yet, Nikolas is totally fond of "Star Wars". Here he is sporting his Darth Vader sweat shirt and the hood turns into a mask.

Shaun (14) and our soon to be (11) Nikolas.

My sister met up with us on Saturday. She brought along her four grandkids. It is our tradition and all the kids love it.

It is hard to look at this picture knowing that Ava should be a part of this group.
She is never far from my thoughts.

Another one of our traditions is eating birthday dinner at the hibachi grill. Nikolas had lobster. He is the only kid I know that loves seafood at his age. All the other kids ordered chicken. No surprise there! 



What is left of the cake!

After dinner and birthday cake, we took a hike in the nearby woods that are part of the resort.

Who are these kids? The one in front of Marianne is Christopher and the one in front of me is Sophia  whereas to my left is Nikolas, Shaun, Collin and Joseph.

Right to left; Joseph, Christopher, Shaun, Collin, Nikolas and Sophia

Holidays and More

Despite all the ups and downs, responsibilities of home and work and the arrival of a new grandchild, the Christmas holidays turned out to be a happy festive time where I found myself laughing and feeling at peace for the first time in several years.


December 21st, I welcomed my fourth grandchild into this world when my granddaughter Aubree was born. At 6lbs 11oz with those dark blue eyes babies are born with and the blond hair which is common in my family, she came into this world making my second born son a first time father. There was a time I never thought Joshua would be a Dad as he battled his own demons and never seemed to  want to settle down until he met Lynee more than seven years ago. As a mother, it is wonderful to watch your own child parent their own child. Joshua is so gentle with his daughter and from what I witnessed thus far, I believe he will make a wonderful father. As for myself, Aubree is my second granddaughter and another chance to do it right. My fallout with my first granddaughter's mother has taught me some very tough lessons. Though I doubt I could have ever foreseen the issues that would lead to that fallout at least I could have set some boundaries in the process that may have protected feelings. I am in love with Aubree as I was with Ava for I remember that feeling so well. One day I hope to be reconnected with Ava for I love and miss her very much.


Christmas Eve was once again held at my home though on a smaller scale. My parents, sister and her husband as well as Shaun and his family were in attendance. Bill's brother John stopped over bringing his girlfriend and another friend who has no family to celebrate the holiday. I had to work on Christmas Eve so all the food was catered. I love the roast beef at the Old Ale House therefore I had them cater the roast beef, rolls and gravy. I laughed a lot that evening. As a matter of fact, I laughed so hard my belly hurt. It has been a long time since I laughed that hard and it felt so very good.


It felt good to see my oldest son Shaun looking so healthy and happy. Rita seems good for him though it felt strange to be celebrating a holiday for the first year without Trish. It has been years since I seen Shaun so happy and I am grateful he found peace once again. My grandsons Shaun and Nikolas also seen happier and healthier. Sometimes marriages do not work out despite it all.


Christmas Day, Bill & I drove out to Harrisburg and visited my youngest son early in the morning. We spent a good four hours with Joe and he looks really well. Afterwards, we drove to Northeast Philadelphia to spend the day at my niece Chrissy's house where many family members gathered for Christmas cheer and my first taste of a "fireball".  Despite the lack of sleep and feeling extremely tired, I laughed again.


The day after Christmas, we brought Aubree home from the Hospital and introduced her to her nursery that is decorated in pink, wine, white and black colors. The nursery is filled with bunnies, Minnie mouse and frozen characters. I brought a tray of roast beef to their house and I held that little darling in my arms and kissed her little face.


Then came the weekend and I was the counselor on site for both Saturday and Sunday in addition to teaching a class on the brain specifically the brain's chemistry on those two days.


Today, I have the day off and I plan to shop for new blinds and curtains for Aubree's nursery as the current blinds need replacing and Bill & I offered to supply them. At some point, we will drop them off at Lynee and Joshua's house.


I will be working the rest of the week including New Years Day which is perfectly find with me as Saturday I will be leaving for a week long road trip to North Carolina and Tennessee with my mother and sister. We plan to spend a couple of days in Gatlinburg, and Knoxville visiting my brother before driving and spending a few days in Nashville then driving across the state and traveling up the east coast of North Carolina where we plan to stop off in Washington, North Carolina to visit my sister-in-law. My sister, mother and I try to take a yearly vacation together. In the past years, we have traveled to Italy, California, Piney Point Maryland as well as the mountains in the Poconos. We already have a trip to Portugal in the works for next year.

Hold On Let Go

I feel like if I let the tears go I will not be able to stop them. I have been keeping them back all night. On the way back from his house we stopped at a pub for dinner and two tears rolled down my face. Immediately, I held them back, took out my I-Phone and began playing a card game. I have learned to change my thoughts by games, books and music. I do a lot of each every day especially when the work-day has ended and the weekend is upon me.

I miss the black cat. I felt sad when we drove by the vet. I am going to take care of the other cat when he leaves.

Full moon tonight. I wonder if it is impacting my mood? I believe in nonsense like that. The moon was incredible as it rose into the night sky. Full. Bright. Abnormally large. A Halloween moon. I heard she is going to a Pumpkin Patch tomorrow. It will be a nice sunny 60's weather day. If I could, I would head up the mountains. I can't so I won't. I would really like a hot tub or massage for my neck. It is 8 days of headaches. I wonder when they will end. I have had headaches my entire life. When they start, they can go on and on for days and the pain scale can be extremely high.

As a club member, there is an appreciation weekend with special rates for the weekend of November 1st and 2nd. I am debating whether or not to take advantage of that. Truth be told, I do not need a special rated weekend to escape the chaos of life. I am pretty good about taking them and skipping up the mountains or west to Gettysburg. I like my downtime.

Daily Living

Kohl's had a block buster sale today. I treated myself to a red peacoat. I always wanted a red coat so I grabbed that opportunity today and purchased a short red peacoat. Those who know me, know that I love shoes with a close second to jackets. I wear a lot of black, gray, navy and recently I have been adding some color such as creams, blues, pinks and corals. I have been cleaning out the closets of clothes, shoes and jackets, I do not wear any longer so I can donate them to St. Francis.

A week ago I purchased a nice pair of heels that are a deep red. They look great with a black skirt suit I have.

Today, I also treated myself to flowers from Whole Foods. The Fall Bouquet is sitting in a vase on my dining room table. Whole Foods have beautiful flowers at a fair price.

I felt a bit under the weather today. Glad I had the day off from work.

I have two vacation weekends planned. The first weekend in December, we will take the boys to the mountains to celebrate Nikolas's 9th birthday. The weekend of my February birthday will be in Gettysburg. I think we will pull for a September 2014 trip to Ireland. No plans were made yet for Ireland. I will check out some sites. I want to fly into Dublin and stay two nights, rent a car and then drive to Donegal and stay there two or three nights before we drive to County Mayo for another two or three nights then return to Dublin and stay another night before flying back to the states. I figure our base will be in those three areas and we can drive out to other areas if we want to. I have no interest in tours. I want to travel the back roads, visit the places the locals visit. No stone kissing or crystal factories for us. If I want to look at crystal from Ireland, I can walk over to my China cabinet.

I thought about Thanksgiving in New York.

I think it would be great to spend Thanksgiving in New York.

Along the Delaware Water Gap

The Search Within

Sitting here on the balcony overlooking the enclosed atrium of my hotel room, I am listening to the soft voices of children laughing, the humming of the air conditioner, and splashing sounds of the pool. 

The decision to escape to the mountains came on Friday morning after being blasted by a patient, as I walked through the doors of my workplace. I had a difficult workweek along with my Dad being taken to the hospital, and an emotional funk I could not get out of. I sat at my computer and made reservations, called my husband, and told him after work that day, we were going to the mountains. I am a firm believer in self-care. The workday went from bad to worst and by the end of my day, my two worlds collided, I was emotionally drained. It took less than 30 minutes to pack, fill my water bottle, and grab a bottle of wine and my down comfortable, and out the door and into the truck for the ride North. 

There are a select few hotels I escape to. This particular hotel was not one of our usual spots, but it was close to George Childs’ Park with a hiking trail and waterfalls. I am really really particular of where I will rest my head, so the Quality Inn reservation made me a little nervous. I took the last top room suite with a balcony overlooking the atrium, and the suite had a King size bed with in room hot tub. The cost was cheap. Red Flag alert. We pulled up. Checked in. Made our way to the room. OK., the room was passable. It was large. The bathroom clean. The carpet needs to be replace, and the room was outdated. Passable. 

The hotel in general is fine. There is a really nice pool, atrium, and club on premises located off of Main Street. The hotel is under new management and is being redone. I am sure by next year the room will be updated, as well as the price. 

Today we drove out to the Park for my husband and me to hike, Bill to photograph. I kept walking, as he made stops for photo shots. We eventually caught up with each other at the end of the trail. There were signs all around to caution us of Black Bear territory. I would have loved to spot one, however, bears are more afraid of people, than people more afraid of bears. I passed by some old early 19^th century stone mills, and took in the sounds and smells of nature. As an introvert, I get my energy from within and walking through the woods connects me to my inner self and grounds me. I let my mind wonder. I felt calm and at peace. The waterfalls were magnificent and powerful. How could there not be a higher power? I sat and stared up through the trees, and watched the white clouds pass by and thought of heaven. There must be a heaven. There must be a place where my brother and grandparents traveled to upon death. I thought of 1997 and how my life began to spiral out of control in the years after. Drug addiction within my own family. Another death. Became a grandparent. Married a son off. Saw another son enter the Navy. A divorce after 23 years of marriage. New career. Remarriage. Depression. Trauma. PTSD. Therapy giving and receiving. Trying to keep it altogether. Stress headaches and vomiting. Setting boundaries. Grieving an old life. Trying to accept a new life.

 

After our hike and drive through the mountain roads, we came upon a pub known as 570. We sat outside and enjoyed a cold drink and delicious lunch. I had chicken pot pie loaded with fresh cut veggies in a wonderful tasty sauce. My husband had pulled pork. After lunch we drove some more than stopped for ice cream. We were back by 5p and Bill hit the hot tub and I took a nap. I awoke to the sound of children, opened that bottle of wine, took my computer and out on the balcony to write. (wine was terrible and I poured it down the sink)

As I sit here and listen to the children play in the pool, I wish some of those children belonged to me. I have yet to figure out how to live without them constant in my life. How can I learn to be an adult without children? I guess it is a process.  For now, I envision them swimming below, laughing and playing.