Sitting here on the balcony overlooking the enclosed
atrium of my hotel room, I am listening to the soft voices of children
laughing, the humming of the air conditioner, and splashing sounds of the pool.
The
decision to escape to the mountains came on Friday morning after being blasted
by a patient, as I walked through the doors of my workplace. I had a difficult
workweek along with my Dad being taken to the hospital, and an emotional funk I
could not get out of. I sat at my computer and made reservations, called my
husband, and told him after work that day, we were going to the mountains. I am a
firm believer in self-care. The workday went from bad to worst and by the end
of my day, my two worlds collided, I was emotionally drained. It took less than
30 minutes to pack, fill my water bottle, and grab a bottle of wine and my down
comfortable, and out the door and into the truck for the ride North.
There
are a select few hotels I escape to. This particular hotel was not one of our
usual spots, but it was close to George Childs’ Park with a hiking trail and
waterfalls. I am really really particular of where I will rest my head, so the
Quality Inn reservation made me a little nervous. I took the last top room
suite with a balcony overlooking the atrium, and the suite had a King size bed
with in room hot tub. The cost was cheap. Red Flag alert. We pulled up. Checked
in. Made our way to the room. OK., the room was passable. It was large. The
bathroom clean. The carpet needs to be replace, and the room was outdated. Passable.
The
hotel in general is fine. There is a really nice pool, atrium, and club on
premises located off of Main Street. The hotel is under new management and is
being redone. I am sure by next year the room will be updated, as well as the
price.
Today
we drove out to the Park for my husband and me to hike, Bill to photograph. I
kept walking, as he made stops for photo shots. We eventually caught up with
each other at the end of the trail. There were signs all around to caution us
of Black Bear territory. I would have loved to spot one, however, bears are
more afraid of people, than people more afraid of bears. I passed by some old
early 19th century stone mills, and took in the sounds and smells of
nature. As an introvert, I get my energy from within and walking through the
woods connects me to my inner self and grounds me. I let my mind wonder. I felt
calm and at peace. The waterfalls were magnificent and powerful. How could
there not be a higher power? I sat and stared up through the trees, and watched
the white clouds pass by and thought of heaven. There must be a heaven. There
must be a place where my brother and grandparents traveled to upon death. I
thought of 1997 and how my life began to spiral out of control in the years
after. Drug addiction within my own family. Another death. Became a
grandparent. Married a son off. Saw another son enter the Navy. A divorce after
23 years of marriage. New career. Remarriage. Depression. Trauma. PTSD. Therapy
giving and receiving. Trying to keep it altogether. Stress headaches and
vomiting. Setting boundaries. Grieving an old life. Trying to accept a new
life.
After our hike and drive through the mountain roads, we came upon a pub known as 570. We sat outside and enjoyed a cold drink and delicious lunch. I had chicken pot pie loaded with fresh cut veggies in a wonderful tasty sauce. My husband had pulled pork. After lunch we drove some more than stopped for ice cream. We were back by 5p and Bill hit the hot tub and I took a nap. I awoke to the sound of children, opened that bottle of wine, took my computer and out on the balcony to write. (wine was terrible and I poured it down the sink)
As
I sit here and listen to the children play in the pool, I wish some of those
children belonged to me. I have yet to figure out how to live without them
constant in my life. How can I learn to be an adult without children? I guess
it is a process. For now, I envision
them swimming below, laughing and playing.
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