A small space in the living room to house a tiny tree with a few wooden ornaments, snowmen which represent Shaun, Trish, Joshua, Joseph, Shaun, Nikolas and Ava along with the Nativity Scene. I have not celebrated Christmas since 2010. This year I am celebrating on a smaller scale but at least I am celebrating. I spent nearly three years grieving. The grieving is in my past. I began moving on this Fall. I am making the best out of the situation. I decided to focus on those who love me and care for me as I am. Some folks have fallen by the wayside and though it took longer for some of those folks to fall (because I could not let go despite behaviors) they are now tucked away in the recesses of my mind but no longer dominate my thoughts or feelings.
I purchased the tiny tree on Friday night in anticipation of Josh and Lynee's visit on Saturday. The visit was wonderful. We ate dinner, talked, laughed, opened gifts and spent the morning after chatting over delicious gourmet coffee. I sent home gifts for Ethan and Chelsea and was surprised when the 3 year old Ethan (under the supervision of Josh & Lynee) called in excitement to thank us for the gifts followed by an email message from the 18 year old Chelsea with a heart felt thank you. It is really nice to feel appreciated though I must admit I give from my heart without expectation of a thanks.
After they went home this morning, I decided to add to the tiny tree so I went into storage and pulled out the container of decorations. I hesitated at the box for a moment as fear passed over me as I thought about what may be in the box that sat at my feet. I admit I was afraid I would see something that may bring sorrowful memories as it had been nearly three years since I opened this box. I wanted the Nativity Scene so I took a deep breath and opened the box and at the top were the pieces of the Nativity Scene. I was thankful that they sat on the top and I could avoid digging through the box. I did spot the snowmen with the kids/grandkids names on them so I pulled that decoration out as well. These few pieces became known as my Christmas Corner.
I do not know what the future will bring and I do not expect that it will be pain free. However, I believe in my heart that I will be alright as long as I have the love of my family and the protection of the Blessed Mary with God and Jesus.
