Let's just say my grandparents especially my very Irish Catholic grandmother whom I loved and adored are probably turned over in their graves by now. I committed the first sin of divorce (after 23 years) then I committed the second sin of remarriage (5yrs and counting) , none which are accepted in the faith I was raised.
I spent 12 years in Catholic schools, even attended an all girls high school. Daily requirements meant kneeing on the ground to make sure the hem of your uniform touched the ground. It also meant having a battle with a nun over wanting to take chemistry vs. a sewing class. As the good catholic girl that I was, I married in church and raised my three sons in the faith, which meant high tuition. There was one thing, I always struggled with and that was confessing "sins" to a priest. As a child growing up, I considered priests and nuns as sub-human.
Then I grew up and discovered for myself that priests and nuns were not only human, but cruel and unjust in many cases. Our last cardinal here in the city I really had some bad vibes about and low and behold, he covered up many sexual abuses that occurred. I just could never understand the vow of poverty when one is riding around in a car driven by another and living in a mansion, while people starved.
I knew in high school, I would never attend a catholic college. I stayed true to my conviction and I am grateful for I learned to view the world outside of the rose colored glasses of the catholic religion.
However, I struggle on a spiritual level. I researched the religions of my other ancestors, the Lutherans and still could not find common ground. Do you have any idea how much guilt I carry because I got a divorce and remarried? In the eyes of the faith in which I was raised considers those acts justification for not being allowed communion or a funeral from the church. It does not matter why one may have divorced, it only matters that one is divorced. This is the very down side of being raised the way I was raised. Guilt was always the forefront of every decision.
Anyway, I know I am not the stuff of the catholic faith. I have looked into other religions from Lutheran to Mormon to Non-denominational and I feel a connection to the Church of England. I believe I may fit into the Angelical Church known as Episcopalians. It is close enough to Catholicism, but not run by a human (Pope). It also does not look at divorce as some sort of horrible sin. Believe me, there are worse sins.
My next step is to actually contact a priest and discuss the matter. I am so done with guilt and shame over a decision, I made. Is it so horrible to want a happier life?
