Counseling folks with co-occurring disorders is not for the faint of heart especially when you are the counselor on site for the weekend and responsible for every other counselor's patients. This past weekend was no exception and as I sit here recovering on this Labor Day from the stress of such a position and/or situation, I question myself why I do this type of work.
I was so exhausted I slept until 9a when I am usually up by 5a each morning. Most of the day, I nursed a headache probably because I am the type who holds all my stress in the shoulders and neck. Sometimes I feel like a warden, sergeant in the armed forces, police man, or a corrections officer than I feel like a therapist. I spend so much time addressing the behaviors of others whether it be their anger, temper tantrums, melt downs, or redirecting their rule breaking, manipulation or what other mood, issue or situation that arises. I teach, counselor, advocate and mother others every single blessed day until my brain hurts and my body aches. Every night I question what I do and every morning I answer that question with "I care". I care about people. It is heart breaking to see others destroying themselves with alcohol and drugs. It is heart breaking to see someone so depressed that they rather die than live. It is heart breaking to hear the hopelessness in their voices or the worries of their family. It is especially heart breaking when you are talking to a person one day then one week later they die from an overdose or successful suicide. They do not have to be my patients in order for me to feel the compassion or empathy. It is just who I am.
I had a pleasant dream during the night of my exhausted filled sleep. I dreamt of my sons Josh and Joey. They were laughing and eating ice cream in my dream and it felt so real and I felt so happy when I woke up.
I sent Ava a text message wishing her a Happy Labor Day and she responded by asking me what Labor Day was. No matter how much happiness I have in my days there is always an inner sadness of loss that I feel in my heart. My girl is nine years old and I have not laid eyes or touched her in three or more years. I cannot even write about it for it brings tears to my eyes so I will stop.
So I do what I always do when it comes to my grandchildren and I went out shopping for little girl clothes for my second girl who is just under two years old and in need of Fall clothes.
I am not sure why God placed me on this particular journey in life but I have accepted it. Do not be mistaken, I have spent several years kicking and fighting this particular journey and questioned "why" more times than I can count. Today, I have accepted the good with the bad, the happy with the sad and forever more I will always hold onto hope and faith that God's plan is the correct plan for all involved.
Showing posts with label Pat'Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Pat'Journey. Show all posts
Monday, September 05, 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
What Is Going On
I just finished reading "The Last Lecture" by Randy Paush and though the book was upbeat and positive I could not help but hear an under tone of narcissism in regards to this man and the way he spoke. It was a quick read. I read it in two nights. It appears I can go through at least two books a week. It appears the more I read the more I want to read. I did enjoy America's First Daughter. It was well written and very interesting. Though the book was about Martha "Patsy" Jefferson Randolph, the book took in account the history of the era including how women were viewed in general. Reading the "The Last Lecture" was kind of a let down after being so absorbed in America's First Daughter.
Aubree has been really sick the last few days. She was running a high fever then broke out with blisters covering her body including inside her mouth. She has been extremely uncomfortable which resulted into two sleepless nights for her and her parents. In the meantime, I had ordered her a Minnie Mouse Car Seat (She loves Minnie Mouse) and it arrived yesterday. I hope it will bring a smile to her face. The doctor told Josh & Lynee that Aubree had a virus and the virus had to run its course. The pharmacy did make up a special mouth wash that numbs the inside of her mouth so she can get some relief. Hopefully, Aubree will be back to her "Happy Self" real soon.
Spoke to Joey today. I usually speak to him two or three times a week. He completed classes to be a "Peer Specialist" and he is working fulltime running groups and counseling. It is nice talking to your son about work as we can relate to the work we both do. Josh completed classes last Fall at Villanova and he is currently a Recovery Specialist. He will be sitting for his state boards sometime this summer. Shaun is a L&I Inspector for the City of Philadelphia. It appears the boys are all doing their own thing and making their way in this world. We have a new normal and I believe we are all working to acceptance of this new normal.
Speaking of work, I had a patient from Slovakia who had a translator during his entire inpatient stay. My first reaction and thought was "How am I going to be able to counsel through an interpreter"? It was a little strange in the beginning however as time went by I was really surprised how well we could work together through a translator. We had to bring in a Polish speaking interpreter as it was as close as we could come to the Slavic dialect. By the time, my patient discharged I was able to communicate with him through some of his words. It was an amazing experience for me as I could tell how he was feeling just by his body language and tone of voice even when I could not understand what he was saying in those rare times when the translator was not there. I am really grateful for the experience and he was an amazing kind man. I hope he does well in outpatient.
The weekend forecast is rain. It does not matter. We still are driving to the shore. I have not been down there in three weeks due to personal and work obligations and I need to get some things done down there this weekend. However, I would not mind some sunshine.
Aubree has been really sick the last few days. She was running a high fever then broke out with blisters covering her body including inside her mouth. She has been extremely uncomfortable which resulted into two sleepless nights for her and her parents. In the meantime, I had ordered her a Minnie Mouse Car Seat (She loves Minnie Mouse) and it arrived yesterday. I hope it will bring a smile to her face. The doctor told Josh & Lynee that Aubree had a virus and the virus had to run its course. The pharmacy did make up a special mouth wash that numbs the inside of her mouth so she can get some relief. Hopefully, Aubree will be back to her "Happy Self" real soon.
Spoke to Joey today. I usually speak to him two or three times a week. He completed classes to be a "Peer Specialist" and he is working fulltime running groups and counseling. It is nice talking to your son about work as we can relate to the work we both do. Josh completed classes last Fall at Villanova and he is currently a Recovery Specialist. He will be sitting for his state boards sometime this summer. Shaun is a L&I Inspector for the City of Philadelphia. It appears the boys are all doing their own thing and making their way in this world. We have a new normal and I believe we are all working to acceptance of this new normal.
Speaking of work, I had a patient from Slovakia who had a translator during his entire inpatient stay. My first reaction and thought was "How am I going to be able to counsel through an interpreter"? It was a little strange in the beginning however as time went by I was really surprised how well we could work together through a translator. We had to bring in a Polish speaking interpreter as it was as close as we could come to the Slavic dialect. By the time, my patient discharged I was able to communicate with him through some of his words. It was an amazing experience for me as I could tell how he was feeling just by his body language and tone of voice even when I could not understand what he was saying in those rare times when the translator was not there. I am really grateful for the experience and he was an amazing kind man. I hope he does well in outpatient.
The weekend forecast is rain. It does not matter. We still are driving to the shore. I have not been down there in three weeks due to personal and work obligations and I need to get some things done down there this weekend. However, I would not mind some sunshine.
Thursday, May 12, 2016
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Sunday, February 14, 2016
Fifty Six Today
Josh and Lynee gave me some chocolate dipped strawberries which were delicious.
Nikolas is growing up.
My boys.
Mom and Aubree (her great granddaughter)
Shaun & Rita know me well!
This is for the beach house!
My girls!
Dad & Bill are two peas in a pod.
I love these pictures of Aubree and her grandparents.
My birthday was wonderful this year. Bill had my family over yesterday and today we went out to breakfast looked at a house in Gladwyn and did some shopping.
As a post note, I really love Lynee and Rita. They are not only great for my sons but wonderful attentive mothers and beautiful women inside and out. I am so happy they are in my life.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
Catching Up
A Cracker Barrel dinner date with my son Josh and my granddaughter Aubree.
Learning how to color.
Pretty Girl
On the move.
Snow Bunny
My living room is slowly turning into a Nursery School.
Getting ready for an event at Flourtown Country Club.
Visiting the parents in Washington Crossing.
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