I went back to work today. I knew if I did not return to work today I would never go back. I had that terrible feeling of sadness over me and it was difficult to get motivated. Somehow I got it together and jumped right into assigning patients to counselors, training a new counselor recently transferred from Friends Hospital and met my three new patients. I am hopeful this veil of sadness will decrease with time.
I heard my son received his first shipment of books. He has four great classics to read this weekend. I placed an order with amazon today for three new vampire books. He read the first three in the series so I arranged to send book 4 and 5. Then, there was another book by the author Dito Montiel called a guide to recognizing your saints. My son is an avid reader and can read several books a week.
I wrote him a letter and added a picture of his child and myself. I also sent him information on St Maximillian. If he is allowed to wear a medal, I want to order one from St Jude Shop and have it delivered. I had contact with his child's mother today and my granddaughter received her cookies from me and her Easter basket from her father.
There are so many emotions bottled up inside me right now that I need to work through. I am grieving. I feel like I have been grieving for over three years. This time the grief feels different. I am not sure I can explain it. I told Bill last night I will probably write a book. Whether or not I can achieve that goal is another question. I have written a book on family genealogy several years ago and had several articles published pertaining to genealogical interests but a real book based on experience and knowledge is a different ball game. My cousin is an editor and a friend of mine has published several books himself so I have some support. I have kept notes and records. Most people who write keep notes and records to draw back on. I really do not know. I am also not afraid to tell the truth to the dismay of others who do not like the truth.
I will travel to Ireland in eleven days. A dream come true. Why can I not feel excited about it?