Monday, July 07, 2014

Four weeks have come and gone. I think of her everyday. I had an especially difficult weekend. Many tears were shed. I fought the sadness. I gardened. I rode my bike. Riding my bike gives me a sense of freedom from the contraptions of my mind. Riding my bike at the shore is priceless. We drove up this morning and went directly to work. This has been our habit since spending the weekends at the shore. We celebrated my parents' anniversary. This time a year ago she stood as a flower girl when my parents renewed their wedding vows. That picture sits on an end table. I miss her so much. I have been trying to navigate daily life these last weeks and every time I extend my hand out to the phone I remember the last conversation and I place the phone back down. In all reality, if her mother wants me to have a connection with her, she would have called. Maybe one day she will call. Though, I wonder.

I write him a letter nearly everyday. I just sent a shipment of 11 more books. He is an avid reader. I rarely talk about him anymore unless you are my parents or sister. Then, I will speak freely because I know there will not be judgment but comfort. At the end of the day, he is my son. I will love him unconditionally.

There are a lot of people in this world who have no one. My son is lucky as I am lucky too. We have a loving and supportive family unit.

I am more open and aware as a person to the needs of others. I find myself helping more and judging less.

There are many lessons to learn in this life.

Though, I wonder if these lessons have to be taught the hard way.

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