Today is a very special day for you as you will make your First Holy Communion. I may not be there in person but I am there in spirit as thoughts of you are at the most forefront of my mind and forever tucked within my heart. I wish I could explain to you the reason I am not with you today and I know by the time you read this letter you will already know and hopefully understand why I was not permitted to see you on the day you passed a major milestone in your life. Sometimes there are situations which occur that are beyond our control and we can only play the cards we are dealt the best way we know how. Sometimes those cards are a challenge to play however what is most important is you continue to play them and never give up the Hope that something will be better. That is how I have chosen to live my life. I believe in Hope and I have Faith in God that everything will find a way to work out.
Hold on to God, Jesus and the Blessed Mother, my precious Ava, as they will bring guidance and peace all the days of your life. I especially pray to our Blessed Mother and I keep a blue crystal rosary by my bed. The Blessed Mother brings me peace as I know she watches over me as well as watches over your Dad. I believe most people are good and though mistakes are made I believe if a person has the foundation of good within them that goodness will surface and that person will find themselves on the road in which they are suppose to travel. You have a good mother, Ava and I know she makes the best decisions possible with your well-being in mind. I do not doubt that for a moment. Her decision to exclude your Dad's side of the family on this most special of days is something she believes is in your best interest so even if you or I do not understand that is ok because the intention was good. I hope you grow up to have understanding, tolerance and love towards others. Judgment is never a good thing as people do the best that they can with what they know. The Ava I remember was four years old with the shyness of smiles and so very sweet and kind with a strong determined personality. She loved to wear "Girl Skirts" as she would refer to them and carried a doll she called "sissy". She stood on a chair and helped me cut strawberries and danced to the popcorn popping in the microwave. She loved to have a "tea party" and play "princess". She could keep up with her older male cousins when it came to swings, sliding boards and monkey bars. She loved to color and draw and read books. She loved to swim and she loved her "Mom Mom".
I am going to close this letter now because I am crying. Sometimes I miss you so much I feel like my heart actually hurts. I love you Ava. I love you very much. Please know that.