My life is not your life. What I have been through, you have not been through. Nothing is normal though I try to normalize it. Normalizes it does not make it better. It makes it survivable. The pain remains. Every time I see a picture of "someone else's family" standing together with smiles on their faces celebrating life events, a pain pierces my heart and travels inward to my soul. I always wanted that kind of family. I always expected I would have that kind of family. I do not have that kind of family. That last statement is the most difficult part to live with.
No one sees the hurt because I will not allow the hurt to show however make no mistake, it is still present. The only difference is how heavy it maybe on any given day. The worst part is I cannot talk to anyone about it. There are no support groups for this.
So I find my solace in other ways. I escape to my shore house because the birds sing in the early mornings. I can drink my coffee and look out the window over the wet lands and the wild life the wet lands bring. I can inhale the sweet salt air and place my toes in the soft feel of the sand. I can dream of a life that used to exist.