Remember me? I am your older sister. The sister that babysat you. The sister who picked you up from school. The sister who came to your home and took you to my home when your first marriage fell apart. The sister who is Godmother to the daughter of your first wife and to the son you borne together.
So why I am writing this post here and now?
You remarried and had three more kids. You took yourself back to school and became a nurse. You moved out of Philadelphia and closer to our mom & dad or maybe it was mom & dad who moved closer to you. I do not remember and it is really irrelevant to this post. You are the fifth and last child born in our family therefore your children are the youngest grandchildren our parents have. I am not sure if you realize it or not but your children are pretty fortunate to have their grandparents in their lives whereas my children are the oldest grandchildren because I am the second oldest child in our family of five children therefore when my children were growing up our parents were running the family business and did not have the time to spend with my children.
Again why am I writing this post?
I thought about writing you a letter. I thought about calling you on the phone. I decided it really does not make a difference because you cannot change the past. I have had some things on my mind and lately I have come to recognize that I cannot hold on to these thoughts and feelings. I also know myself very well and I am not one to easily forgive if I decide to forgive at all. However, I do believe in putting the "stuff" on the shelf in order to move forward so this is my main purpose of writing it here because I am a family genealogist and I believe in recording history. Or maybe it is anger & hurt. I really do not know.
The last four years were rough for myself and my children. I managed to survive because I had a pretty solid support system which consisted of both family and friends. Where were you? I never received a telephone call, a letter, not even a card of encouragement and/or prayer. You were not present in court. You did not drive with me or sit beside me. I did not receive a hug or a hand of support and/or love.
We are suppose to be family and family means being there for the good times and the bad times. It does not mean "silence". Of course, I know that I cannot make you think, feel or behave in any manner and just because we are blood does not mean there is support or love. However, as a human being a hand could have been extended.
I am not writing this post to insult you or rip you too pieces as a brother, father or even a man. A person's character is their character. But I do feel a little hurt because you managed to attend a funeral in the middle of the day for a friend of our parents and you even managed to get on a plane and fly out to the other side of the country for our uncle's funeral despite your job or kids. What you did not do is reach out a hand of support to me, your sister who resides in the same state in the last four years. NOT EVEN ONE TIME.
So Frankie, it is time to "let go". I will not carry any baggage that does not belong to me. Your actions or lack thereof speak volumes so I must let you go. I doubt very much I will ever forgive you but I am willing to live with that decision because I know I will place you on a shelf and move forward with my life.
Now that I have expressed my feelings, feelings that I carried for several years, this chapter of my life is closed.