I picked up your birthday and grade school graduation cards today. I found myself standing in the aisle of my local CVS reading all the different cards for a granddaughter. It should not have been difficult picking a card but it was because I felt like I was buying a card for someone I did not know. You see, I have not seen you for several years. Yes. I periodically am in contact with your mom and she tells me little things about you from time to time. However, I have not seen you since you were about five years old. The last time you spent any real time with me was the summer of 2011 after a vacation with your cousins Shaun and Nikolas at Dutch Wonderland. You were four years old. Prior to that you spent most weekends at my house.
Though you were removed from my life, I never forgot you. As a matter of fact, I think about you everyday. I do not grieve as I once did in the early days but I would be lying if I did not say there is a sadness within my heart I carry everyday. In my mind, you are still four years old. That is the memory I have. But you are not four years old anymore but a young lady nearly 14yrs old. I imagine you to be the sweet little girl I once knew but older. I do not know if we will ever reconnect in the future though I hope we do. But I would leave that decision up to others including yourself. So much life has been experienced and lived and there will be questions. Questions, I will answer to the best of my ability without hurting anyone in the process. Sometimes, decisions are made with the best intentions but still full short of the mark. I truly believe that some of the decisions that were made in the early years were made for you out of love and protection. Or at least I hope so. I will always love and I hope one day you seek me out.
Love Mom Mom
