Mt Vernon Iowa
Monday, September 26, 2016
Girls Weekend Day Two
Sunday, September 11, 2016
I Adore and Love Aubree and My Sister Marianne
I had a wonderful weekend with Aubree at the shore. After a hectic journey down on Friday night (accident on the bridge that kept us in traffic two hours) we arrived safely and were on the beach by 830a the following morning.
The excitement on this child's face as the waves of the ocean crashed down to the shore as the dolphins swam and the sea gulls flew above. It was something out of a storybook.
After she had a nap, we headed to the board walk and the joy on her little face as she went on the rides was priceless.
We had dinner and she tasted her first shrimp before we headed back to the beach house with a stop for ice cream.
This morning we went over to the airport restaurant where she saw the planes take off then we headed over to the Vietnam Museum where she sat in a helicopter. This child brings so much happiness to my life. Later this afternoon after we safely dropped her off to her home and came back to Plymouth Meeting, I spoke to my sister on the phone and she said something that really hit me. She told me she loved seeing the pictures of Aubree and said she was so sweet that she wished Aubree was hers. I was taken a back as there are times I envy my sister's life. She has so many friends and she travels to so many places and has much more freedom and money than I. I seemed to be always working and then too tired to do anything else and spend my weekends with grandchildren or my husband. I do not have a lot of friends and stay mainly to myself. I have always been that way. Give me a book and I am content to be alone. My sister has so much life and energy and I in compare seem so boring and dull. So it really shocked me when she made that statement about my granddaughter. She had just spent the weekend with friends and at the Bruce Springsteen concert then the Eagles game and I spent the weekend with my not yet 2 year old grandchild. I miss the days when my other grandchildren were younger and they still thought it was cool to be with grandmom. They are more interested in friends and activities these days.
The excitement on this child's face as the waves of the ocean crashed down to the shore as the dolphins swam and the sea gulls flew above. It was something out of a storybook.
After she had a nap, we headed to the board walk and the joy on her little face as she went on the rides was priceless.
We had dinner and she tasted her first shrimp before we headed back to the beach house with a stop for ice cream.
Monday, September 05, 2016
Happy Labor day
Counseling folks with co-occurring disorders is not for the faint of heart especially when you are the counselor on site for the weekend and responsible for every other counselor's patients. This past weekend was no exception and as I sit here recovering on this Labor Day from the stress of such a position and/or situation, I question myself why I do this type of work.
I was so exhausted I slept until 9a when I am usually up by 5a each morning. Most of the day, I nursed a headache probably because I am the type who holds all my stress in the shoulders and neck. Sometimes I feel like a warden, sergeant in the armed forces, police man, or a corrections officer than I feel like a therapist. I spend so much time addressing the behaviors of others whether it be their anger, temper tantrums, melt downs, or redirecting their rule breaking, manipulation or what other mood, issue or situation that arises. I teach, counselor, advocate and mother others every single blessed day until my brain hurts and my body aches. Every night I question what I do and every morning I answer that question with "I care". I care about people. It is heart breaking to see others destroying themselves with alcohol and drugs. It is heart breaking to see someone so depressed that they rather die than live. It is heart breaking to hear the hopelessness in their voices or the worries of their family. It is especially heart breaking when you are talking to a person one day then one week later they die from an overdose or successful suicide. They do not have to be my patients in order for me to feel the compassion or empathy. It is just who I am.
I had a pleasant dream during the night of my exhausted filled sleep. I dreamt of my sons Josh and Joey. They were laughing and eating ice cream in my dream and it felt so real and I felt so happy when I woke up.
I sent Ava a text message wishing her a Happy Labor Day and she responded by asking me what Labor Day was. No matter how much happiness I have in my days there is always an inner sadness of loss that I feel in my heart. My girl is nine years old and I have not laid eyes or touched her in three or more years. I cannot even write about it for it brings tears to my eyes so I will stop.
So I do what I always do when it comes to my grandchildren and I went out shopping for little girl clothes for my second girl who is just under two years old and in need of Fall clothes.
I am not sure why God placed me on this particular journey in life but I have accepted it. Do not be mistaken, I have spent several years kicking and fighting this particular journey and questioned "why" more times than I can count. Today, I have accepted the good with the bad, the happy with the sad and forever more I will always hold onto hope and faith that God's plan is the correct plan for all involved.
I was so exhausted I slept until 9a when I am usually up by 5a each morning. Most of the day, I nursed a headache probably because I am the type who holds all my stress in the shoulders and neck. Sometimes I feel like a warden, sergeant in the armed forces, police man, or a corrections officer than I feel like a therapist. I spend so much time addressing the behaviors of others whether it be their anger, temper tantrums, melt downs, or redirecting their rule breaking, manipulation or what other mood, issue or situation that arises. I teach, counselor, advocate and mother others every single blessed day until my brain hurts and my body aches. Every night I question what I do and every morning I answer that question with "I care". I care about people. It is heart breaking to see others destroying themselves with alcohol and drugs. It is heart breaking to see someone so depressed that they rather die than live. It is heart breaking to hear the hopelessness in their voices or the worries of their family. It is especially heart breaking when you are talking to a person one day then one week later they die from an overdose or successful suicide. They do not have to be my patients in order for me to feel the compassion or empathy. It is just who I am.
I had a pleasant dream during the night of my exhausted filled sleep. I dreamt of my sons Josh and Joey. They were laughing and eating ice cream in my dream and it felt so real and I felt so happy when I woke up.
I sent Ava a text message wishing her a Happy Labor Day and she responded by asking me what Labor Day was. No matter how much happiness I have in my days there is always an inner sadness of loss that I feel in my heart. My girl is nine years old and I have not laid eyes or touched her in three or more years. I cannot even write about it for it brings tears to my eyes so I will stop.
So I do what I always do when it comes to my grandchildren and I went out shopping for little girl clothes for my second girl who is just under two years old and in need of Fall clothes.
I am not sure why God placed me on this particular journey in life but I have accepted it. Do not be mistaken, I have spent several years kicking and fighting this particular journey and questioned "why" more times than I can count. Today, I have accepted the good with the bad, the happy with the sad and forever more I will always hold onto hope and faith that God's plan is the correct plan for all involved.
Thursday, September 01, 2016
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