After a sleepless night of soul searching, I have come to the conclusion that you cannot truly depend on anyone, but yourself. Expectations are not only a waste of time, space and energy, but also ridiculous. Love is nothing more than an illusion that asking for it just leads to disappointment and hurt. As much as love is suppose to be unconditional with no strings attached, my experience with love proves just the opposite. In some cases love is everlasting, and I have experienced that with the unconditional love received by my maternal grandparents. They loved me unconditional and accepted all parts of me. Judgement was never placed on me even when I made mistakes. Hurtful words were never said. I never felt 'less than" nor did I have to prove anything. Their love was something I could always count on.
Grandpop has been gone nearly 29 years. Grandmom has been gone 19 years. It feels like they were just here yesterday. I cannot even comprehend the amount of years they have been gone. I still can feel that love they showered me with. It is probably the only "real" love I will ever really experience from any one person in my life.
From this day forward, I will depend on myself. I will let go of expectations. I will do my best to be my best. I will love myself for myself and embrace my inner beauty. I will tap into the love I remember and this love will get me through the coming days of my life.
3 comments:
Hugs to you, Pat. I think I get where you are coming from. I think believing that no matter what happens, I can depend on myself and it will be ok isn't a bad approach to life.
I also had a maternal grandfather who loved me without reservations. He died 20 years ago this month. I do carry him with me. He died because of his addiction to cigarettes, and his deep regret for what it did to his family at the end of his days is part of what helped me ask for help with my drinking. It was his voice loving me that helped me want to change.
I don't know what precipitated this post, Pat, but I am sending you warm wishes. Hug your grandbabies. :)
I have been lurking lately but felt I needed to say something. I don't know what you are going through right now but I do know that you are a strong woman and that you can depend on yourself to get you through anything.
I also knew that unconditional love that you are talking about. Isn't it nice that is one thing we will be able pass on to our grandchildren? They deserve to know that kind of love from us.
Take care of yourself. I'm sure everything will work out.
Sounds like something going on in your life which led you to write about love.
I've heard for so long now, that the Author of Love, resides deep down within each human. And so for me to love myself, as a child of the Creator, is a quite right activity.
That is the part which I also can and DO love in others. Without reservations. That God within. You are an OK woman...thanks for this post.
Peace!
Post a Comment