I Hate This Thing Called Addiction

I hate it even more when I receive a report that a former patient died as a result of it. When things like this occur, it makes me think about time and how much time we waste on things that just are not that deep. We can never get time back. Once it passes, it is gone and before we know it we have missed out on so much. I feel as though I lost an entire year, I survived. I existed. I did not live. I wanted 2012 to be better and to get as much out of each day as possible. I am beginning to do that and in the process, I am feeling joy once again not in the big things, but in the small things. Some things I doubt I will get back and what I am left with are memories, many happy memories. The smiles. The giggles. The voice. The personality. The pain is still there beneath my heart, but it has lessen. I snuggle and watch netflix kid movies with one young grandson. I watch as another grandson begins to pull away into independence, but still wants to cuddle as though he were a little boy. I am blessed to be given another grandchild due in the Fall. I will finally graduate. I began a Women Supporting Women's group which has turned into a day of fun and laughs. I helped get the 35th reunion of our teenage group together. I have a wonderful trip planned in less than a month. I have so much to be grateful for and though I had to make some tough decisions, I made them without fear and with conviction.

Time is something we never get back. I hope and pray that those whom I try to help on a daily basis begin to believe in themselves that time is precious and that they are worth it despite the stigma or the opinions of others who do not understand. To hold onto that tiny light at the end of that very dark tunnel because it is the hope that keeps one going forward. I receive phone calls at my office from prior patients who tell me they are doing well and are still sober. In my eyes, once a patient, always a patient. I see success stories. I also see the relapses or the deaths. I hate Addiction. It sucks the very soul out of one. Tonight, they are all in my thoughts and paryers.