No Answers

The past few weeks have been difficult. I wish I had the answers. I have no answers. I place one foot in front of the other and move forward though at times, I feel like I have taken a fall backwards. So to amuse myself I came across this picture taken after a day at work.

I look alittle worn out, but hey, look what I do for a living. I am not sure when I had this picture taken, but I know those photos on my bureau are no longer there. Once upon a time, I had every room filled with pictures of past and present. Today, I stored them away because at this time in my life, it is just too painful to be reminded of what I had and lost. Though, I do have this little girl on my bureau.

She is me. Reddish blond hair, green eyes and living with my grandparents, as my parents were in the middle of a divorce. When I look at her, I cannot help, but feel sorry for her. She had no idea what life would be and the trials and tribulations, she was to face in the coming years. The one thing she wished for she had, but lost and her days would be spent in hurt, pain, guilt and regret. She learned how to wear a mask and keep it firmly in place, as to keep others from looking deep within her soul. She grew up to love the beauty of flowers and tried to make the best out of a new living situation.

Most house plants tend to die under my care. However, this plant was so unique, I had to buy it and so far it has survived four months.

 I had little success trying to grow or keep alive any flowers or plants on this 10th floor balcony. We get full sun everyday all day, but it is the cross winds that create the most peril to the flowers. My mother gave me some suggestions which I will look into. I miss the four gardens I created at my house. I loved creating and getting my hands in the dirt. Now, I must make the best out of where I live.

I hope the Fall mums bloom as their colors will be very beautiful. I have some flower beds that grew summer lilies, so I will keep the beds and see if they come back next year.