Love

Defined as a close affection. Dictionary definitions are always interesting, because they tend to break things down into very basic pieces. So what is love? A love used often by people who have a habit of saying it when in fact they do not mean it. Love to me is something special, specific, and not used unless I truly mean it. Truth be told, I love very few people, but those I do love, I love with my entire heart, soul and totally completely. I do not give away my heart very easily. I protect my heart. I also  say what I mean and mean what I say. I am OK with that. When someone tells me, "I love you", I look at the source. Really? How can you love me if you do not even know me? How can I love you if I do not even know you? Like most things in life, it is just a word. It is the action that matters.

Then, there is the broken hearted.

Took a risk at love and was hurt in the process, therefore, do not love again. Walls rise. Barriers will not be broken. We travel the road of defenses.

I can only speak for myself and I have given my heart away once too often. When I met my husband, I told him, "I will never give you my entire heart". He may get pieces of it, but I have learned to safe-guard it. I have some guilt over that decision, but I do not regret it. I never want to feel that pain again. You can't give love freely, then take it back without causing pain.

There is one thing for certain. If I say, "I love you", I mean it. It is not just a word to me. Then, there is another side to me and I will say it simply. I will never allow myself to love anyone else again. I have been there. Done that. Especially with those closest to me. I love my three grandchildren with all my heart. However, if there is to be another in my future, I will distant my emotions as to not allow attachment, therefore, guard against hurt. People in my life have told me they loved me, then left. I am not going through that pain again. Some who read this will be horrified. I am not horrified.

Some say, I would rather be hurt than to not have loved at all. I say, I rather not love than to be hurt.