Enmeshed Family Systems

The Problem of "Enmeshed" Family Relationships

In enmeshed families there is no sense of boundary. Everything is controlled by the rules of “the

family.” The individual has no rights or feelings other than those which fit in to what is proper

for the entire group. The son/daughter dutifully follows in the footsteps of the father and the

daughter/son might seem to be a "clone" of the mother. 

When the son or daughter misbehaves the parent will say, “How could you do that to me?” Or,

when the child succeeds, it is seen as the parents succeeding. There is no differentiating between

that one person is and does and what other family members are and do. All are enmeshed into

an “undifferentiated family ego mass.”

Enmeshed Boundaries

• Are you unsure if what you're feeling stems from you or others?

• Do you often allow others to cross over your boundaries even when it makes you uncomfortable?

• Do you fail to recognize your uncomfortable feelings, or do you feel like you can't do anything to protect yourself even when you do recognize those feelings?

• Do you tend to blame others for the way you feel?

• Are your beliefs and values unclear to you?

How can I know if I am in an enmeshed relationship?
Those in enmeshed relationships are often the last to see it. But with awareness you can start to recognize some of the signs:

1. If you cannot not tell the difference between your own emotions and those of a person with whom you have a relationship.

2. If you feel like you need to rescue someone from their emotions.

3. If you feel like you need someone else to rescue you from your own emotions.

4. If you and another person do not have any personal emotional time and space.

Part II
How to disengage from an enmeshed family system. You can detach with love.