Blank Page

I am sitting here thinking I should write something. I continue to look at the blank page, so I decided to write exactly what I was thinking. I should write something on this blank page. Wow! I already wrote a few sentences about absolutely nothing. I guess I could mention how wonderful Bill cooks or brings me flowers. How much eating tapioca pudding reminds me of my grandmother or how exciting my day was at work. Maybe I could write about all my grandchildren and how they are all back in school, 7th, 3rd and 1st grades to be exact. How much I miss having little ones under foot or dancing to the pop corn popping in the microwave. How about the camping trips when my boys were young or graduating to an air-conditioned hotel room. What about all the soccer, baseball and football games. The roller hockey. The grade school years followed by the high school years before college and/or military tours. Maybe all these statements should have a question mark vs. a period and how all these sentences are running into each other or the fact, who cares? Really?

It is Tuesday. I worked another day. I threw in another load of laundry. I opened a package from Macy's and ate a delicious dinner cooked by my husband. I could write about the pool closing for the season and the weather will be turning into Fall before Winter and the holidays will be upon us. Preparations for a life changed and how it will all turn out. Not sure if I am ready for the change only to realize the life I knew already changed in which I grieved, held on and remained steady. Maybe I could write about the small circle of people I hold close and the ones I left behind and each time I think about reaching for the phone, I remember the last words spoken, then stop dead in my tracks and never pick the phone up.

I have become very tired. There is little fight left if any. Surrender. Acceptance. Preparation. Unfairness. Someone is getting away with something. Someone will pay for the actions of another and those close will feel the pain. Truth be told, the pain has been there but we move on because that is what we do because we come from strong stock and those words from my own grandfather ring clearly in my ears. We are a family. We love each other unconditionally. We are strong. The chaos has been removed. We are calm and ready to address life on life's term as we have always done in years past and will continue to do so in the years ahead. There is a reason why he carries his name. He is strong and a survivor. We have taken a page from his book and studied it closely and follow it as the days continue to pass.

One day the truth will be told and the actions that night and the months that followed will be written about for social media to see. It is not time yet but the time is coming. She will not serve the time deserved but she will have to live with self until the end of her life and answer to God.

In the meantime, we will be alright. We have each other.

I guess I had something to say, afterall.