I wrote two posts, published them, then placed them back into draft. I don't know! I guess I am second doubting myself. At least they are back in draft and not deleted so I can post them anytime. How do I feel right now? I feel helpless and scattered. The "scattered" was very noticeable in work as I sat in our daily treatment team meeting and had to be reminded that I had a patient discharging on Sunday. I completed his discharge but forget to report it. my director had to bring me back to the present and then he had to do it again when I miss-placed my car keys and spent 40 mins looking for them. I know I appeared scattered, but I made a decision months ago to keep my personal life "personal" no matter what, especially in the work-place. For the longest time, I was in the negative as far as paid-time-off. However, I am plus 64 hours as of today.
I do feel helpless. He is in so much pain and there is not a single thing I can do about it. I feel like I am losing both my son and granddaughter and there is not a damn thing I can do about it.
I can't express how much I hate that feeling.
I like things in a neat little package. This is beyond things in a neat little package and his father? Well? It is a comedy of errors. His father's pathology has finally caused irreparable damage to his son. His insanity about deleting every single thing has come around and bit him firmly in the ass and the son will pay the piper. It is all very sad. Very Very sad.
And I thought plastic on the furniture was bad? I feel so damn helpless.
I will republish those posts in a few days.
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