Cannot prevent a rough night. The mask I put on during the day has a way of removing itself when the night falls upon me. Last night was an especially bad night. That feeling of fear engulfed me and no matter what thoughts I tried to replace or self talk I spoken, the fear felt enormous. Therefore, I spent the hours telling myself to "give it up to God" Just before 5am, I got up and went into the shower to remove the cobwebs and ease the tension in my neck and head. Bill got up earlier than usual and put the coffee on. I am drinking my second cup waiting for the sun to rise. Even on my days off, I watch the sun rise. This is my time. My moment of meditation and inner peace. In just a few minutes, I will put the suit and heels on, grab my lunch bag, water bottle and purse and begin my work day. Meatballs sit in the refrigerator waiting to be cooked for tonight's dinner. I make a mental note that I have to deposit a check in the bank on my way home, review the day's one on one sessions, group, meeting, complete paperwork on a pending discharge, wonder how many admissions came in overnight and how many I will need to assign to counselors.
The sun is creeping up behind the hills in the distance with colors of red and orange. Another day has come.
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