A Journey into the Past: Closing the Book

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Closing the Book

Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have - life itself.

Walter Anderson

Experiencing the recent events of my life has taught me there are three kinds of people in one's life.

Those who love and support unconditionally and despite everything and anything they are in your corner.
Those who love and support with conditions. When things get tough, they are the first to exit.
Those who pretend to love and support unconditionally but when one's back is turned the knife comes out and one is repeatedly stabbed.

I am forever grateful to the #1 crowd. It is folks like them that has kept me going especially during my darkness scariest moments. The words of kindness. The unspoken hug. Holding me as I sobbed. Picking up the phone when I called. Listened. Never judged.

I am grateful to the #2 crowd. It is folks like them that I learned what and who they truly are as people, in character or lack there of. I no longer have to waste my time nor feel guilt when I lock the door they exited from.

I am grateful to the #3 crowd. It is folks like them that have taught me a very important lesson in everyday living. Be careful who to trust. Watch out for the mask. Know what is behind the mask. Walk slowly and by all means carry that big stick because you never know when you will have to use it to protect yourself.

In a few days I am going to Ireland with my husband and my eldest grandchild. My parents backed out. Truth be told, my mother backed out and my father will not go without her. I am disappointed. I spent many years researching our family history and several months planning this trip and wanted the opportunity to experience with my mother the places of her roots, to walk the same grounds of our ancestors, to make memories. In my mind, I thought this would be an opportunity to be close something that was not always the case. Our relationship is complicated. After all these years, you would think I would get the point. She does not like me. Our relationship is contentious. She adores my brothers. The oldest brother can do no wrong. The younger one will always have the "baby of the family" status. She has fun with my sister because my sister is fun. My sister also does not take any shit. I am too serious, too sensitive, too educated, too responsible, too introverted.

In any event, I need to move on with or without certain folks in my life. I cannot keep up with the :status quo". I am too tired.

Life is a journey. Must get back on track or find a new road to travel upon. I have been stuck at the red light far too long.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Closing the Book

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