Sunday, November 09, 2014

Life Continues Despite

I had a nice visit with Joshua and Lynee yesterday. Lynee looks wonderful. They will welcome their daughter into the world in less than six weeks. I ordered the baby's bassinet a few days ago and it was made for a princess. Lynee's sisters are buying the crib, changing table and bureau for the nursery. Everything is in full gear for the shower in a few weeks. I picked out the final design for the cupcakes in which a very talented friend will make for me. I am going to order Cheryl's cookies in pink and white butter cream icing and another regular traditional shower cake though I wonder if I should skip the traditional cake because of the cupcakes and pick something different for the dessert table. I am very glad I have this to focus on as it has been a difficult week.

My heart breaks for my Joey. My heart breaks for Ava. I cannot stand the look of pity or the comments of "Oh my God" from people when they discover the paternal grandparents are being kept from their granddaughter. The latest was Joe's mother. She recently discovered the Ava situation this past week and she looked and sounded horrified that the grandparents have not seen Ava in over a year. I guess the grandparents are good at hiding their pain and needless to say they rarely discuss the situation to people. We are all trying to survive here. Joe and I have been united in all things Joey/Ava which is good for both of us. We speak on a daily basis, and offer each other support. We share news and keep each other informed of new or evolving situations/events.

Shaun recently moved out of Delaware County. I plan to stop by and see his new house this afternoon.

Honestly, it has been really hard managing all of the emotions including my own. It is difficult for a mother to hold her adult son in her arms as he sobs. It is difficult to be separated from those she loves whether the distance is close or far away. It is difficult for a mother/grandmother to lose a child. There is no closure. It is difficult to think beyond this day only for the thought can be frightening. Keeping it altogether became a 24/7 job. There are restless nights, physical & emotional exhaustion complicated by re-occurring nightmares and thoughts of "what if". I do not believe anyone can relate to all these emotions and responsibilities unless one walks in these shoes. I have been affected as a mother however I am not blind to the impact all of this has had on the brothers, and grandparents. Losing their brother to prison has been like losing a brother to death except there is no closure. They are grieving. I know if I remain strong and act as if I am alright then I know they will have one less worry on their minds. I am their rock and my husband, sister and parents are my rock.

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