Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Christmas Past Present and Future

I am tired this morning. I had a difficult evening that resulted in a difficult night. There were so many emotions floating around as I tried to decorate for Christmas. I have not been in some of those storage containers for four  years. All those special tree ornaments and carefully wrapped and stored Santa's and snow men. I came across a ceramic ginger bread house in which the words mom mom and pop pop were lovingly painted on the sides. I came across a stocking I had purchased that Christmas for Jason. Then I came across the snowman stocking holder that hung that stocking from my mantel over the fireplace in that once upon a time house. The emotions overwhelmed me. I sat on the floor surrounded by memories and sobbed. Sobbed for a little boy who no longer celebrates Christmas and for a life that no longer existed because of the choices made and the events that followed. Sobbed for myself, my granddaughter, my son and all the christmas seasons past and future. 

The decorations still remain in the spot I left them last night. Today, I may be welcoming my fourth grandchild and second granddaughter. Somehow life goes on despite the pain and I look forward to surviving another day.

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