Monday, August 03, 2015

Coming to a Close

I am enjoying my last day off of my four day weekend drinking a cup of coffee and thinking of the family filled fun time I had with my parents, sister and father-in-law. We had everyone over for dinner the last two nights. Last night Bill grilled steaks, sweet potatoes, asparagus and broccoli in addition to the fresh Jersey corn-on-the-cob, grapes for snacking and ice cream for dessert. We talked a lot and laughed even more. Memories. We made some good memories. I am fortunate to still have both my parents at age 55 years old. Most people do not have both their parents at my age. How many people have a father who comes over to your house everyday watering your indoor and outdoor plants and does it lovingly? My Dad has gotten me through some rough times in my life with his unconditional love and support. Yes. I am most fortunate to have my parents.

I have a lot to do before we leave the shore this afternoon especially since we will not be down next weekend because I am the counselor on-site and I have two classes to teach.  I will be training a newly hired counselor as well. Somehow I became the "trainer" for new counselors. I am not sure how that came about.

Ava was on my mind a lot this weekend. So many things that crossed my path reminded me of her and had me wondering what she liked these days and if she has changed much. It seems I can go about daily living however there is always that missing piece inside me almost a feeling of emptiness that cannot be filled. It is difficult to explain and unless one has experienced it one probably does not understand. It is a feeling that can easily bring tears to the surface in a flash almost unexpectedly. I must be stuffing the feeling and at times stuffing does not work and the emotion comes like a wave hitting the beach. I have accepted this is a feeling I will carry until I am reunited with my granddaughter or leave this world. Whichever comes first. My greatest fear is I will not be reunited with her. Having Aubree in my life helps however Aubree cannot replace Ava. One child can never replace the loss of another child nor would it be fair to expect so..  

I wish there was something I could do except I know it is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it. I just hope she knows I have always loved her though truth-be-told how can she when she has not seen me in two years.

Wow. I am having a difficult time changing the subject. I signed up for two trainings at Bryn Mawr College this fall. Once I have completed those classes I would have made my 25 credit hour quota of continuing education for the year. Bill & I planned our Fall road trip early this year. We generally go in October but we are going in September this year as a result of conflicting work schedules. Destination this year is Shenandoah Virginia.  We will drive out towards Harrisburg and pick up Rt 15 through Gettysburg and Frederick Maryland before passing through Harper's Ferry West Virginia and into Front Royal Virginia where we will have our home base. This trip's destination is driving Skyline Drive through the Shenandoah Valley which I have not seen since my boys were children. Bill and I take two vacations a year in April and October ourselves. The shore house is for weekends with the family and I take the grandsons to the Woodlands every November for a weekend to celebrate Nikolas's birthday. I already made the Woodland reservations. I am a planner. Family life is important to me no matter how fractured it can be at times. I feel as though it is my job to keep everyone together. I believe God intended mothers to keep the family together no matter how that may appear sometimes.

Well, I have to bring this post to a close because my Dad just came over to change the central air conditioner's filter and make a small repair to some trim in the loft with Bill.

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