I have been so busy with daily living that I never noticed until today that I hit over 100,000 page views. Currently, I am at 100,202.

I have been feeling pretty lonely lately. Isolated in my thoughts, enjoying parts of daily living but living with a black cloud above my head. There is a shadow that seems to follow me through my days and though I want time to hurry up I also want it to slow down all at the same time. I have been reading a lot and playing too many computer games on my downtime away from work. Recently, I have been forcing myself to sit out on the balcony and drink my coffee as the dawn arises or have a glass of wine or a bottle of water in the evenings as the sun sets and the moon appears. I spend too much time in my bedroom. When I am busy at work, I never feel lonely. It is the weekends when that feeling creeps in. It is as though I am not comfortable with the stillness. Truth be told, I am probably not comfortable with my own thoughts. Being consumed with work means I do not have to think about personal things. I have been going back and forth about the house in Roxborough. I love that house and I have been away from that house for 5 years. I have been holding onto it thinking that one day I could go back that I could rise above the events that drove me away from it. I wonder if I can ever rise above the events that drove me away from it. In my heart I still think I can go back. In my mind I know one can never go back. The past is exactly that, "The past". I should sell the house because it bleeds me of money every single month. The thought of selling the house also overwhelms me. It is as though I need someone else to deal with that house.

I need to figure out how to really move on.

Grandparents and Books

It has been a while since I last blogged. Somehow there does not seem to be enough time in the day for everything that needs to be done. I have several pictures to upload. That will have to wait. This weekend we stayed home in Plymouth Meeting instead of heading to Cape May. Tomorrow we have a birthday party to attend so we opted to remain home. It just means I get to spend more time with Aubree. Maybe I can watch her swim in our pool. Last night as Aubree and I sat on the balcony eating ice cream cones I had a memory of my grandmother and I sitting on the front steps at her Ridge Ave home when I was a little girl. Grandpop and I would walk to the Drug Store and get an ice cream cone then walk back and sit on the steps on many summer evenings. It was so long ago however I remember it as though it were yesterday. Most importantly, I remember feeling very loved by my grandparents. It was a time when there were not any computers and video games or even air conditioners. Summer time meant sitting out front with neighbors chatting and playing or running under the fire plug to cool off. The front steps was where I learned to play jax. My summers were filled with jumping "double dutch", riding my bike, roller skating, jumping on a Po Go stick. I played with paper dolls and used my imagination. How many kids today can say that? Being a good grandparent is important to me. I believe I have been able to achieve that goal so far. From time to time, I come across someone who will tell me I am "too involved" in my grandchildren's lives. I do not believe anyone can "be too involved". The same few folks who have mentioned that to me are the same folks who did not have a grandparent as a constant in their own lives growing up whether their grandparents were deceased or lived far away. I always lived close to my grandparents and though my paternal grandparents were dead by the time I was born in 1960, my maternal grandparents were a part of my life for 30 years. I believe I am the person I am today as a result of that nurturing.

Anyway, the latest books I have read are as followed;

1. The Water Horse by Dick King-Smith
2. The Very First Dammed Thing by Jodi Taylor
3. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
4. The Journey by Isobelle Carmody 
5. The Time Being by Melody Grove
6. Agatha Christy   "An Autobiography
7. War Brides by Helen Bryan
8. Game of Crowns by Christopher Anderson

Happy 9th Birthdy Ava. I love you.