When I look at my granddaughter I continue to be amazed at her dark hair and beautiful blue eyes. When my boys were children, they were blonds. Then came my grandsons and granddaughter Ava who were all blonds though Ava was more a strawberry blond. My youngest grandchild is a brunette. She is the sweetest little girl and talking up a storm these days. I love that she cuddles with me on the rocker and likes to help me wash the dishes (truth be told, she plays in the water as I clean the dishes). She stands on the same step ladder as Nikolas once stood followed by Ava.
Sometimes, I am afraid to talk about her for fear I may jinx myself and lose her. I am always afraid to lose her as I lost Ava. I wonder if I will ever feel secure as it pertains to those I love. I have been able to move on in my life despite the loss however there is always a hole or emptiness I feel inside. I wonder if that feeling will ever go away or maybe deep down inside I do not want it to go away because it reminds me of her and keeps me grateful and grounded for the love I have for my other grandchildren. I never want to take anything or anyone for granted ever again. I want to remain humble. My New Years Resolution was pretty simple for 2017. I want to appreciate each day and every moment of those I love. I want to keep God close.