Catch Up

Six days before I return to work. I suppose it is bittersweet as I have enjoyed my time away from work but at the same time work in of itself is good for me because of my ongoing battle with depression. Staying busy and out of my own head and thoughts is always good. I often wonder if I battle depression because I overthink and to overthink is a sign of intelligence or so I was taught. The double edge sword! It really does not matter what the reason only that it is ongoing and a battle. It does not help that it is the Christmas Season with all its expectations and when memories of the past pop up they can be painful. It is also another reminder that it will be another Christmas without my son Joe and my granddaughter Ava. As much as my granddaughter Aubree fills my heart with joy and love, I miss Ava terribly.


I have several pictures to upload from Nikolas's birthday party and Aubree's Bounce Up Kiddie Birthday party. I am sure there are other pictures to be uploaded as well. Hopefully, I will get them uploaded to this site before I return to work. There is a lot to do this week. I need to take the dog to the groomer, keep a doctor's appointment and have tickets to take my granddaughter Aubree to the Nutcracker Ballet in town on Friday. I would like to get my hair and nails done as well however those things could probably wait until next week though I have to prepare for a family Christmas party I will host on the 23rd.


All these things I have to do and I do not feel like doing anything. The house is decorated for Christmas except for the bathroom which is on my agenda for today if I can get out of this chair. Bill received the results of the second DNA test and as expected it was once again negative and  the girl is not his daughter. It saddens me to think this girl has spent thirty years without knowledge of her father. I want to embrace her. Maybe I can feel her pain because I grew up without my own biological father. It leaves a scar no matter how happy a childhood one has had. And it is not just the loss of your father but the loss of that entire side of the family. You grow up never really knowing who you are and where you belong. You can be in a house full of people and still feel alone. Nicole is in my thoughts today.