No Secrets. No Lies. Just Love.

 Grief does not work like a ledger where one joy cancels out a specific pain. It is completely normal to feel two conflicting emotions at the exact same time: deep love and joy for your younger granddaughter, Aubree, alongside a heavy, aching sorrow for Ava.

Each grandchild holds a distinct, irreplaceable space in a grandparent's heart. My grief for Ava is a reflection of the close, beautiful bond we actually shared before she was taken from my life. The mind and heart remember that connection, and a new granddaughter - while wonderful—does not fill the specific void left by a child you already knew, loved, and watched grow for a  time. 

I know feeling this lingering sadness does not mean I love my younger granddaughter any less; it simply means my love for Ava is still alive, and the wound from how she was removed remains deep.

For my older two grandsons, Shaun and Nikolas, Ava was a cherished part of a childhood that was abruptly cut short. I used to call them “my three musketeers” because they were always together.

I do talk to Aubree about her older cousin and show her pictures of a cousin she never met. I hope by talking to Aubree about Ava, it ensures Ava’s place in the family is preserved. I want to ensure Ava isn’t treated like a secret or an erased piece of our family’s history. She is a piece of my heart.

For my younger granddaughter, hearing about Ava does something very important:

• It lets Aubree know she has an older cousin, creating a sense of a larger family identity, even if they haven't met yet.
• It shows her that family members are cherished and remembered, no matter how far away they might be or how long the road has been.

Keeping Ava’s memory alive in the light—rather than leaving it in the dark corners of the family history—is important to me. It honors the bond I had with her and keeps a door open in my heart, and in the family's narrative, for whatever the future may bring. I hope to keep her memory alive and move forward with grace. My only regret is that both my parents died without reconnecting with a great- granddaughter they loved and cherished but knowing they were connected with their grown great-grandsons and their younger great-granddaughter.