Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I have been so busy with daily living that I never noticed until today that I hit over 100,000 page views. Currently, I am at 100,202.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

I have been feeling pretty lonely lately. Isolated in my thoughts, enjoying parts of daily living but living with a black cloud above my head. There is a shadow that seems to follow me through my days and though I want time to hurry up I also want it to slow down all at the same time. I have been reading a lot and playing too many computer games on my downtime away from work. Recently, I have been forcing myself to sit out on the balcony and drink my coffee as the dawn arises or have a glass of wine or a bottle of water in the evenings as the sun sets and the moon appears. I spend too much time in my bedroom. When I am busy at work, I never feel lonely. It is the weekends when that feeling creeps in. It is as though I am not comfortable with the stillness. Truth be told, I am probably not comfortable with my own thoughts. Being consumed with work means I do not have to think about personal things. I have been going back and forth about the house in Roxborough. I love that house and I have been away from that house for 5 years. I have been holding onto it thinking that one day I could go back that I could rise above the events that drove me away from it. I wonder if I can ever rise above the events that drove me away from it. In my heart I still think I can go back. In my mind I know one can never go back. The past is exactly that, "The past". I should sell the house because it bleeds me of money every single month. The thought of selling the house also overwhelms me. It is as though I need someone else to deal with that house.

I need to figure out how to really move on.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Grandparents and Books

It has been a while since I last blogged. Somehow there does not seem to be enough time in the day for everything that needs to be done. I have several pictures to upload. That will have to wait. This weekend we stayed home in Plymouth Meeting instead of heading to Cape May. Tomorrow we have a birthday party to attend so we opted to remain home. It just means I get to spend more time with Aubree. Maybe I can watch her swim in our pool. Last night as Aubree and I sat on the balcony eating ice cream cones I had a memory of my grandmother and I sitting on the front steps at her Ridge Ave home when I was a little girl. Grandpop and I would walk to the Drug Store and get an ice cream cone then walk back and sit on the steps on many summer evenings. It was so long ago however I remember it as though it were yesterday. Most importantly, I remember feeling very loved by my grandparents. It was a time when there were not any computers and video games or even air conditioners. Summer time meant sitting out front with neighbors chatting and playing or running under the fire plug to cool off. The front steps was where I learned to play jax. My summers were filled with jumping "double dutch", riding my bike, roller skating, jumping on a Po Go stick. I played with paper dolls and used my imagination. How many kids today can say that? Being a good grandparent is important to me. I believe I have been able to achieve that goal so far. From time to time, I come across someone who will tell me I am "too involved" in my grandchildren's lives. I do not believe anyone can "be too involved". The same few folks who have mentioned that to me are the same folks who did not have a grandparent as a constant in their own lives growing up whether their grandparents were deceased or lived far away. I always lived close to my grandparents and though my paternal grandparents were dead by the time I was born in 1960, my maternal grandparents were a part of my life for 30 years. I believe I am the person I am today as a result of that nurturing.

Anyway, the latest books I have read are as followed;
  1. The Water Horse by Dick King-Smith
  2. The Very First Dammed Thing by Jodi Taylor
  3. A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
  4. The Journey by Isobelle Carmody 
  5. The Time Being by Melody Grove
  6. Agatha Christy   "An Autobiography
  7. War Brides by Helen Bryan
  8. Game of Crowns by Christopher Anderson

Thursday, June 09, 2016

Monday, May 23, 2016


Where has my head been these past few years? I found out today that a person who I knew for many years died back in 2009. What the hell! Have I been so disconnected with the world and life that all these years have gone by without me knowing this person died? She was only 49yrs old. I knew her husband had been sick for many years and even had a liver transplant. I just found out he died a year after his wife. Again, What the fuck? I do not know what her cause of death though at such a young age it could be anything.

Thursday, May 19, 2016

What Is Going On

I just finished reading "The Last Lecture" by Randy Paush and though the book was upbeat and positive I could not help but hear an under tone of narcissism in regards to this man and the way he spoke. It was a quick read. I read it in two nights. It appears I can go through at least two books a week. It appears the more I read the more I want to read. I did enjoy America's First Daughter. It was well written and very interesting. Though the book was about Martha "Patsy" Jefferson Randolph, the book took in account the history of the era including how women were viewed in general. Reading the "The Last Lecture" was kind of a let down after being so absorbed in America's First Daughter.

Aubree has been really sick the last few days. She was running a high fever then broke out with blisters covering her body including inside her mouth. She has been extremely uncomfortable which resulted into two sleepless nights for her and her parents. In the meantime, I had ordered her a Minnie Mouse Car Seat (She loves Minnie Mouse) and it arrived yesterday. I hope it will bring a smile to her face. The doctor told Josh & Lynee that Aubree had a virus and the virus had to run its course. The pharmacy did make up a special mouth wash that numbs the inside of her mouth so she can get some relief. Hopefully, Aubree will be back to her "Happy Self" real soon.

Spoke to Joey today. I usually speak to him two or three times a week. He completed classes to be a "Peer Specialist" and he is working fulltime running groups and counseling. It is nice talking to your son about work as we can relate to the work we both do. Josh completed classes last Fall at Villanova and he is currently a Recovery Specialist. He will be sitting for his state boards sometime this summer. Shaun is a L&I Inspector for the City of Philadelphia. It appears the boys are all doing their own thing and making their way in this world. We have a new normal and I believe we are all working to acceptance of this new normal.

Speaking of work, I had a patient from Slovakia who had a translator during his entire inpatient stay. My first reaction and thought was "How am I going to be able to counsel through an interpreter"? It was a little strange in the beginning however as time went by I was really surprised how well we could work together through a translator. We had to bring in a Polish speaking interpreter as it was as close as we could come to the Slavic dialect. By the time, my patient discharged I was able to communicate with him through some of his words. It was an amazing experience for me as I could tell how he was feeling just by his body language and tone of voice even when I could not understand what he was saying in those rare times when the translator was not there. I am really grateful for the experience and he was an amazing kind man. I hope he does well in outpatient.

The weekend forecast is rain. It does not matter. We still are driving to the shore. I have not been down there in three weeks due to personal and work obligations and I need to get some things done down there this weekend. However, I would not mind some sunshine.

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Latest Reads

  1. America's First Daughter by Laurie Kamoie
  2. Rose by Rosina Harrison
  3. Professional Integrity by Michael J Sullivan
  4. The Courtiers by Lucy Worsley
  5. How to be a Tudor by Ruth Goodman
  6. The Vatican Princess by CW.Gortner