Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Remember

It has been 24 years since you left us and it feels as though you were here yesterday. Your love has sustained me through the tough times and I will be forever grateful that I had your love for 30 years. I cannot imagine how life would have been without your constant presence in my life as a child to adulthood. You taught me by example the importance grandparents play in the life of their grandchildren. You taught me one can never love a child too much and as I look back in hindsight I know that statement is very true. It is a wonderful gift you have given me as I carry that love and those memories within my heart and I know you are an angel sitting with God watching over me.


Tuesday, July 29, 2014

True

On so many levels.
I have superior research skills.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Why I Research and Record


Katherine Mary Gallagher 1973-2014

Yesterday was an extremely emotional day. It has been a very long time since I felt such emotion that went from sadness to anger back to sadness and finally depression. Today, I do not understand God. I suppose we are not meant to understand God. Katie is gone. Hopefully, she is at peace. It was so sudden. Friday night I was told she went into acute liver failure then kidney failure and by Sunday she was dead. When she was little I babysat her. I am 13 years older. Her Dad, my uncle Billy was special. As a little girl, he called me "butter cup". When my parents divorced and I lived with my grandparents I was surrounded by my uncles. Uncle Billy was in his thirties when he got married. Within a few years my cousin Billy and Katie were born. When I was a teenager I would babysit my younger cousins and play monopoly with my aunt until late in the evening. My uncle and aunt did not have it easy. When Midvale steel closed, it placed my uncles out of work. My uncle Billy would work for my parents, coca cola then the medical society. When my cousin Billy was 19 years old he was diagnosed with a brain tumor that was the size of a lemon. He was a patient at Temple Neurosurgery Intensive Care for a very long time. He lost his sight as a result. I remember sitting outside the operating room for 16 hours with my mother, aunt & uncle while Billy was being operated on. There were times when we thought he would not make it through the surgery and the weeks that followed. When my uncle was 65 years old, he retired. Shortly thereafter he would be diagnosed with multiple myeloma, cancer of the bone marrow. He would die within two years. His daughter, my cousin Katie, would go on to raise a child on her own, work her way through nursing school and battle her own demons. I was told my cousin drank too much rum and took too many Tylenol (chronic arm pain) which is a perfect combination for acute liver failure. By the time she was too sick to get out of bed she was in acute liver failure. When one's liver shuts down, death comes quickly.




I believe in heaven and I believe that those who left this earth before us come back to open their arms to those who are ready to leave this earth behind and enter heaven. I believe my uncle Billy opened his arms to Katie and I believe that my grandparents and brother stood beside them. Some people would say this is a fairy tale belief. I say, there is a God and we are accompanied to heaven.



Sunday, July 27, 2014

My cousin Katherine Mary Gallagher died today. She was 41 years old.

Drafts

I began the process of taking 1157 posts out of draft and republish them. I have a total of 2243 posts which I placed 1157 of them back in draft. I am hoping to have all the drafts back in "publish" status in a week. The drafts will be republished under their original post dates.


Up until last week, my blog was taken out of the "search engine" so that it was not easily accessible. It is back online across the board. Welcome New Comers.

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Sitting here drinking my coffee watching the dawn arise listening to the birds sing their morning songs. I was told via in route to the shore last night my cousin was in the hospital dying. DYING. I think I may still be in shock. She is 41 years old. She is my uncle Billy's daughter. She lays in an ICU bed on a ventilator with acute liver and kidney failure. My aunt signed a "Do not resuscitate order" because there is no hope for survival. WTH! What is God's name has happened?  What is it about summer deaths in my family? My grandmother died July 30, 1990. My uncle Billy died July 14, 1996. my brother died June 29, 1997.

Friday, July 25, 2014

Lies Lies Lies

Why did she tell me she wanted a divorce because she was unhappy after all these years and make a point of telling me she did not have a boyfriend? I wonder why people believe they can get away with lies because lies always catch up to the liars. (my opinion) I guess it is hard to admit you have had a boyfriend since January and by March decided it was time to leave your husband but stay until June before you actually move out. When someone behaves in this manner I am reminded by a statement I have heard others say. "Clean your own side of the street before you attempt to clean someone's else's side of the street". Once again, I took this person's side and believed what she told me? (Seems to be a terrible habit of mine lately) It never occurred to me that I was being lied to. Well. Fuck Me. I was lied to once again by someone whom I thought I had a close relationship. Live and Learn. Another chapter closed. This past year could be known as the year I did some personal housekeeping. I began to remove toxic people from my life whether they were family or friends. I began to take the blinders off and see people for what they truly were. It has been refreshing and liberating to say the least. I also began to appreciate the people who were supportive caring loving without conditions. It is amazing how confident one can become once they have started a personal inventory. My only concern with all these experiences is whether or not I will ever fully trust and/or allow anyone else close to me. I will be welcoming a new grandchild into my life this December. I wonder if my experiences will influence how I grandparent this new child? I wonder if I will give this child my entire heart or will I fear giving this child my entire heart because I will be afraid I could be hurt? 


Funny that I would write this and answer my own question in the meantime. I will love this grandchild as much as I love Shaun, Nikolas and Ava. That is who I am.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Onward

His father and I surprised him yesterday for his birthday. He did not know we were coming up to see him. The wide smile on his face was well worth it. He is ok. Making the best out of a terrible situation. He is reading, working out and helping others. He looks well.


Our family continues to navigate this new road in our lives. The road has many pot holes however I believe that God has a bigger purpose and in the end we will look back on this road and recognize that purpose.


In the meantime, we will travel onward. And by the grace of God and the kindness and support of those close to us, we will somehow survive.