Thursday, August 25, 2016

Shock then Grief

The older I get the more I realize that life should never be taken for granted. I am more mindful today to be grateful for all the things that come my way in this journey called life. I have experienced my own losses in life as I have shared numerous times on this site. Each day I try and teach my patients to be humble and grateful and take the time to slow down and really take in all the surroundings whether it be a flower that bloomed or simply enjoying the day through the eyes of a small child. I truly believe if you really want to enjoy the moment surround yourself with children and experience that day through their little eyes. It is an amazing joy.

Last night, we lost a coworker. This person was not an elderly person with a long term illness but a vibrant younger person who succumbed to an apparent drug overdose in an employee bathroom. I did not witness it as I had already left for the day but others witnessed the aftermath of  this discovery. The code white. The police. The ambulance. The fire department. Finally, the medical examiner. Our society views those struggling with substance abuse/addiction as though the person is a low life not worth helping because they choose to use drugs and/or alcohol and made a consciousness decision to destroy their life and everyone else's life around them. I have spent the last ten years trying to change that opinion because it is oh so untrue. I have counseled the person struggling with the addiction as well as taught the families who love them what addiction actually was in scientific evidence based terms. Some have listened, others merely heard.

I guess my point is this. We are all human beings and make mistakes. We have feelings. We are vulnerable. Substance abuse is not a moral issue but a mental health problem and currently a national crisis in this country and many others. We have to start looking at it in terms of helping and treatment as oppose to shunning and ignorance.  This person who died last night was educated, had a family and a home and who went to work everyday. I was told there were many tears last night and I witnessed tears today as I held one coworker in my arms as she sobbed. She was the strong one last night going around and offering comfort and support and setting up grief counseling for her fellow coworkers without a tear. Today, she broke down and cried out her heart which was filled with pain and loss.

I will not pretend that I understand God's plan for us and I stopped questioning years ago when I lost my son and granddaughter. I try to believe God has a plan for all of us. Some of us will travel a long rocky road while others just glide on through. It is not a question of fair or unfair. It just is. Where we are at is exactly where we are suppose to at. View situations as a learning. Continue moving forward. Slow down and cherish the experience. And never ever give up hope.

Wednesday, August 10, 2016


  • That moment when you realize that the folks who told you they are no longer on Facebook are still on Facebook and have you blocked.
  • That moment when you see your granddaughter being referred to someone else's daughter and grandchild..
  • That moment when you question if another person is busy playing a game with your feelings and/or life.
  • That moment when you feel as though the rug of hope has been pulled out from under your feet.
  • That moment when you ask yourself, "What the Fuck am I doing"?

Saturday, August 06, 2016

Wow. It has been nearly one month since I posted anything. Time to upload more pictures.

Thursday, July 07, 2016

It Has Been a Long Road

And just like  that, there is silence once again! It must feel powerful to control the emotions of others like that. I made the decision a long time ago to not feed into this  pathology. It is what it is!

Tuesday, July 05, 2016


My Dad is an amazing man and I treasure every day we have together. In my opinion, he is the strongest, the kindest, the wisest person I have ever known. He makes me feel safe in a very unsafe world and though I am no longer a little girl, I still need him in my everyday life. It was his silent strength that got me through some of my darkest days and his strength continues to carry through each day. I may not be his biological child however I have always felt his daughter. He has been by my side since I was three years old. He stepped up to the plate when my own father was serving two tours in Vietnam as a Naval Officer. My own father was a career military man and I rarely spent any time with him as I was growing up in the 60's and when I hit my teenage years in the 70's and he retired from the military, he got married., moved away and started another family. I never had the connection with my biological father as I have had with my Dad. I do not blame my father for not being with me as I was growing up. My mom and he divorced shortly after my birth and he was serving his country. He was unable to be with me and I was lucky my mom remarried a man who stepped into his shoes.

Sunday, July 03, 2016

Holiday Weekend

I do not know where to begin so I will just write random thoughts with the hope my writing makes sense. I am here at the shore as I took a long weekend from work and home responsibilities. We came down Friday night and were pleasantly surprised that we did not hit any shore traffic. We stopped at Red Robin in Vineland for gourmet burgers and milk shakes as we got caught in a severe thunderstorm and decided to take a break. All in all we were in Cape May within three hours of travel time between Plymouth Meeting and Cape May. Saturday morning, my Dad came over to re-screen some screen room screens. My Dad and Bill have a wonderful relationship and it is fun watching them interact. It was not long before Grace and Sophia (parent's youngest granddaughter and great granddaughter) who have been staying at my parents' shore house in the neighborhood came over. Shortly, thereafter my niece Chrissy's three boys Joseph, Collin and Christopher popped in and all five kids went up to the loft and woke Nikolas up (my grandson). My niece Chrissy and her in-laws recently bought their own home in the neighborhood here in Cape May. That makes a total of four homes here now and it is so fun watching all the cousins together having a ball.

Nikolas is in the process of getting over an ear infection so we avoided the beach on Saturday and took him to lunch at Harbor View for crab cakes. Harbor View is probably my favorite place to have lunch out on the patio which overlooks the water filled with boats. It was the first time we took Nikolas and he really enjoyed it. It was nice watching Bill take Nikolas to the pier and point out the osprey nests and boats. After lunch we went to the grocery store to stock up on grilling meats and fresh fruits and vegetables. Generally, Bill and I grill and have everyone over for dinner however my mother wanted to cook dinner so we went over to her place Saturday night. Shortly after dinner my brother Frankie and his family arrived as they were going to spend the night at my parents' house and take Grace home on Sunday.

Saturday night,  we watched Independence Day on HBO so Nikolas could be prepared to go to the movies with Bill  Sunday or Monday to see the new Independence Day. And now it is Sunday morning and for the first time in weeks, I slept soundly and feel very relaxed  within. I am glad we still have two more days down here before heading back home to reality. I am also very happy to be in contact with Ava. She is the sweetest girl and I love her to pieces.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I have been so busy with daily living that I never noticed until today that I hit over 100,000 page views. Currently, I am at 100,202.