Byberry State Hospital

I have been reviewing the 1940 census records and came across the records of Byberry Hospital known as Philadelphia State Hospital for Mental Diseases. I cannot believe there are 152 pages of names to sort through. That is going to be a lot of work so stay tuned. When I scan them, I will post them.

I did find the records for Fairmount Farms known today as Fairmount Behavioral Health System. There are four pages of names to sort through and I have already scanned those records, which I will post later this week.

I have records scanned for two orphanages; Sacred Heart and St. Joseph's, both are females.

Lots of information will be coming soon. Stay tuned.

Julia Wisloski Coppola

Name:	Julia Coppola
Certificate:	055235
Death Place:	Westfield
Death Date:	12 Dec 1971
	This record was found in the Massachusetts's Death Records. I do not know for sure if this Julia Coppola is my great aunt born Julia Wisloski in 1906 and married Anthony Coppola in 1926. My search begins.

Today

It is nice to sit on the balcony in the early morning with a cup of coffee, and listen to the birds sing their songs, the sun warm upon your face, and the memories that come and go within your mind.

I had a dream last night that I was standing over my brother's grave. I remember I was looking at his headstone, however he was standing beside me, as we watched the grave being dug up in preparation for another burial.

Sitting on the balcony brought back memories of the time of his death and how after he died in 1997, my life began to unravel piece by piece. My son began to have problems a year later. My marriage began to fall apart. There was no longer any satisfaction in being a Lab Supervisor. 1997 to 2005 were hard years. 2006 I remarried, went back to school, changed careers and started to move forward. There had been hills to climb, valleys to follow, bumps and bruises along the way. 2011 brought problems I never could have foreseen in a million years. Changes forced upon me. More tears fell than I ever thought possible. One foot in front of the other, I kept telling myself. I leaned on family and friends. I discovered who was there for me and who got lost on the wayside.

The other day, I believe I turned a corner. I decided I was no longer going to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone. I felt sick and tired. I had been to hell and back. My decision meant I would probably lose some people who I love, but in reality I had already lost them and never recognized it.

It is my time now.

Please Remember

Time, sometimes the time just slips away
And your left with yesterday
Left with the memories
I, I'll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
I won't forget so don't forget
The memories we made

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
Please remember, please remember me

Goodbye, there's just no sadder word to say
And it's sad to walk away
With just the memories
Who's to know what might have been
We'll leave behind a life and time
We'll never know again

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
And remember, please remember me

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
And we were wild and free
And remember, please remember me

And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this world was yours and mine
And how no dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I had you and you had me

Please remember, Please remember

Caledonia

I don't know if you can see The changes that have come over me In these last few days I've been afraid That I might drift away I've been telling old stories, singing songs That make me think about where I've come from That's the reason why I seem So far away today Let me tell you that I love you That I think about you all the time Caledonia, you're calling me, now I'm going home But if I should become a stranger Know that it would make me more than sad Caledonia's been everything I've ever had Now I have moved and I've kept on moving Proved the points that I needed proving Lost the friends that I needed losing Found others on the way I have kissed the fellas and left them crying Stolen dreams, yes, there's no denying I have traveled hard, sometimes with conscience flying Somewhere with the wind Now I'm sitting here before the fire The empty room, the forest choir The flames have cooled, don't get any higher They've withered, now they've gone But I'm steady thinking, my way is clear And I know what I will do tomorrow When hands have shaken, the kisses float Then I will disappear

Genetics

How I love the study of Genetics. My coworkers make fun of me when they see me with my head in a book or information printed out from the NIDA site and take chromosomes apart and research which chromosome is linked to which drug a person maybe dependent on. Then I go a little further with the genes. Which genes on what chromosome are linked to substance abuse/dependency and are the genes located on the long arm of the chromosome or the short arm and how were they identified.

NERD.

Concrete Thinker.

Where is the wonder in life?

These are the remarks I laugh off from my coworkers.

I am told, I require an an answer to everything. I consider that the best part of me, as well as the worse part of me. It is a double edged sword. I always require an answer and a time frame to go with that answer and if the time frame does not occur, I may be a little anal about it. Sometimes I verbally express this. Mostly, I have learned to suppress it. Stay in my own lane, I tell myself nearly every blessed damn day. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I fail miserably. But this is me. This is the sum of myself. Smart to a fault. Impatient to a point. Letting go and letting things just happen? Oh Dear God, that is so damn hard. I lack success in that department.

Other stuff.

My plants blew over and lost most of their soil on the balcony. I question whether or not being on the 10th floor is going to allow me the pleasure of a balcony oasis? High enough for the beautiful sun rises and sun sets, but also high enough for those cross winds. I will figure it out.

Family Education was a blast last night. (Tongue in cheek)

Sometimes I wonder if I work in an asylum.

Many successful discharges with patients going to long term programs. Yes. I am just great. Most are my female patients. Oh what a relief! That moment lasted two seconds, as I was assigned two new female patients today. There are so many family issues with females, and so much emotional stuff = long days at work.

One male patient had me laughing so hard today, I nearly fell out of my chair.

I am fortunate enough to see their human side. The side their families generally do not see.

We have some talented guys who sing and play guitar. I find myself just standing with them as they play. What a wonderful and enjoyable sight.

A patient I had a year ago called today. He relapsed. I told him I expected to see his face tomorrow.

This is basically a normal day in my life.

Family News;
My oldest grandchild will be graduating from grade school on June 11th. I will be there proud as can be as his grandmother. His birth nearly eleven years granted me the title grandmother, and it has been a blessing ever since. I remember his birth. I remember all the births of my three grandchildren. No one can take those memories away.

Anhedonia

"Anhedonia" is derived from the Greek "a-" (without) "hedone" (pleasure, delight). Other words derived from "hedone" include hedonism (a philosophy that emphasizes pleasure as the main aim of life), hedonist (a pleasure-seeker), and hedonophobia (an excessive and persistent fear of pleasure).

I love working with Dr.C. He is always accessible, helpful and a good sounding board when one of his therapists wants to talk whether it be about a patient and/or self. We talked about some of my nightmares, feelings of loss and my inability to feel a sense of joy in the things that always brought me great joy such as gardening, vacationing, or just doing nothing. This began last July and although I get up everyday and go to work, laugh with my coworkers, smile at my patients, teach classes, attend classes and go on with everyday life, I lost a part of my self and the simple things that were once joyful are now just "numb". I do not feel depressed and have no symptoms of depression, but that inability to feel joy.

Anhedonia.

Dr. C told me I was experiencing Anhedonia, the inability to feel pleasure. His recommendation was to spend 30 minutes everyday in the sun. I have been spending 30 minutes a day in the sun when its actually out. No magic pill. No therapy. Just sunshine.

I like him because he combines medication with holistic approaches. In my case, holistic.

So simple. So easy. It works.  I finally entered a department store for the first time in ten months.

Today

I had a dream about a dog I had named "muffin". The dog used to sleep at my feet with her head laying across my legs. In my dream, she was doing exactly that and it felt good and when I awoke, I thought for a moment, I was back twenty years ago when my boys were young, and we had that dog. I got her after Joshua was born and she lived fourteen years.

I have another Family Education class to teach tonight, so it will be a late night. At least, I left work on time the last two nights.

I have several patients who will discharge this week.

In the meantime, it is so foggy outside that I can barely see out of the window.,

And most importantly, Joshua and Lynee are engaged. He told me yesterday and I saw her ring. Congrats Joshua and Lynee, I love you both. If anyone knows me, then you would know that there was a time when I thought, I would never see this child reach his 30th birthday, let alone be engaged, out on his own and happy.

Closure Begins

"Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be."

The most difficult part of this process is grieving the loss of someone you loved with your entire heart and soul. Memories are painful. Reality is even more painful. Everything is different. I wish someone could tell my heart. Right now, it does not listen to a word I say. It hurts.

Coyote Crossing

If you are looking for a good Mexican Meal, Coyote Crossing is the place to go. They have excellent service, and an atmosphere that reminds me of the Florida Keys.

Goodbye Lauren

Celebrating Lauren