About every emotion I feel. Damn Therapist! Today, I became angry at two different people. Of course, they did not know I was angry, but I was angry nonetheless. Then it happened as I was ranting, (Poor Bill) I began to ask myself am I truly angry at the person/s, or am I really angry at myself?
Interesting.
Was I angry because of these people I was irritated and frustrated with due to their lack of consistency, or was I mad at myself for allowing myself to be a "fool", "doormat” and know that these people have never been consistent the entire time I have known them, therefore, allowed myself once more to be set up with expectations, which failed. I am not surprised. This is how they have always been. Why do I think they or anyone will change? Why do I continue doing the same thing expecting different results?
When I became aware that I was more angry with myself than them, the anger disappeared and I moved on. Maybe, David has a point.
If someone has no intention of responding to me and I keep pushing, Why get mad at them when I know perfectly well, I cannot change anything. This behavior is nothing new. I have experienced it several times before.
If someone makes a plan then breaks it. Why get mad at them when I know perfectly well, they always break plans. Why would I expect a different action this time?
The thing I learned tonight is some people cannot follow through on plans, some people are not brave enough, mature enough, or just do not care enough. It is "I" who sets the expectations, then when it does not pan out, I get angry and then doubt myself when in all actuality, I am not at fault. There is no one to blame. It is what it is and it is up to me to make different choices or go into a situation with no expectations. Damn Therapist!
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