The Going On's

I had CPR Re-Certification Training this morning. It is a requirement of work so every two years I attend a re-certification class. Honestly, I doubt I would ever use it. The one and only time I did CPR on someone that someone died anyway and I was left to cast doubts on my ability to do CPR correctly. I have spent the last seven years questioning if I did it right or if I made matters worse. Every time I take this class I am flooded with memories of that night. The screams and the cries of the adults in the room as I did compressions on that tiny chest as he laid upon the floor.. I think about his age and the age he would be today if he had survived.


I went back to work on the 18th and though I was exhausted that first work and had some muscle pain, I have been free of nerve pain. I am so grateful that the surgery worked for me as I almost did not go through with it after hearing so many horror stories of people who went through spinal surgery. It seems a lot of spinal surgeries do not work out as successful as my own.


I had a combination family Christmas party and 3rd birthday party for Aubree on the 23rd and it turned out wonderfully. I was suppose to go to my niece's house on Christmas Day but I never made it there. My brother was drunk (again) and when he drinks he becomes mean. Christmas Day he sent messages via group text of hatred and in typical family denial fashion, his drinking and subsequent inappropriate behavior was swept under the carpet and no one said a word besides myself and   that just made him meaner. By the end I was too emotionally exhausted to anything on Christmas Day.
I doubt I will be having any further conversations with him. There was a time I could tolerate his behavior but as I have grown older I just do not have any more tolerance for it. He needs to apologize and I'm sure hell will need to freeze over before he does that.


I have a bunch of pictures to upload and I am sure I will probably get around to doing it this weekend. Since my return back to work, things have been hectic. The patient turnover has been intense and for the first time since I have been counseling inpatients I wondered if it was time to switch over to counseling outpatients. I hope things settle down after the holidays. I also crate trained my dog so now I take him for a 30min walk before I leave for work then stop home in the middle of the day to walk him again before placing him back in his crate and returning to work until after the work day is finished and he can then run the house free. I believe the crate with a bark blanket on top helps soothe his separation anxiety. The crate has his dog bed and toys and is in the family room downstairs. He seems to feel safe and secure in the crate.He can no longer run the house crying and looking for me then howling as to disturb the neighbors.