Florida Vacation Day 1 & 2

Day Four

Of my novena to Mary, Queen of Hearts for healing. I had asked 81 others to join me in this novena of healing because I believe prayer as a unit is powerful. I am not praying for myself but everyone involved over the last four years. Of course, I want to heal however it is important to me that everyone begin to heal.

I had mentioned earlier that the night before the final court date, I had severe anxiety and could not for the life of me sleep. I could not wait for the darkness to end and light of dawn to appear. I finally gave up, got dressed and went into work by 6a and remained in work until it was time to go to court. Working is good for me. I cannot think about anything else but the person in front of me and I am grateful I do work that I enjoy.

The novena is for nine days which means I will continue saying it even as I fly down to Florida on Thursday for a long weekend. My brother-in-law is getting married on the beach Saturday and I am Matron of Honor for my future sister-in-law. My parents are already down in Florida and Thursday is my Dad's birthday so we are taking Dad out to eat Thursday night to celebrate.

I cannot wait to hit Clearwater Beach and feel the sand beneath my toes and sun in my face.

A Ray of Sunshine

Mary, Queen of Hearts

Over Easter weekend while we were in Washington D.C. with the grandsons, we went to the National Shrine so I could pray at the feet of the Blessed Mother and light a candle. After I said a prayer and lit that candle, I began walking towards the back of the church when I spotted another Statue of the Blessed Mother . It was known as Mary, Queen of Hearts and the prayer was beautiful and hit very close to home. I stopped and said the prayer and as I lit another candle I found myself begging for her to show mercy. I never asked for mercy before as I always prayed for strength and guidance.  Praying to our lady has always brought me comfort. I believe in her intercession with our lord.

The Statutes of the Association

• Indulgences Available to Members

• Queen of All Hearts Issue 1

 

  

Prayer to Our Lady, Queen of all hearts

(For use in the home.)

O Mary, Queen of all hearts,Queen of the family,
Queen of the home,
Your heart is the overflowing
treasury of the graces of God;
Your heart is filled with the riches of
The Mysteries of your Son;
Your heart truly believes that
Nothing is impossible with God;
Your heart is the first to receive and welcome
The Lord of all glory into this world;
Your heart receives as children all of those
Redeemed by your Son.
We open our hearts to you.
We open our home to you.We invite you to reign as Queen of our Family.
O Mother so compassionate,
O Queen so generous,
Strengthen, protect and sustain our family
In the goodness of true love;
In the difficulties and struggles of life, be our refuge;
In the joy and goodness of life,
Teach us to rejoice and give thanks to God;
Overcome all that threatens to separate us
And preserve us in unity;
See the hidden and unspoken needs within our hearts
And in your goodness answer them.
O Mary, Queen of all hearts, we trust in you.
O Mary, Queen of all hearts, we hope in you.
O Mary, Queen of all hearts, we love you and we honor you 

I did not know the back history of Mary, Queen of Hearts so I began to research it and what I discovered was a beautiful novena that I began to say and will pray for the next nine days asking for healing for everyone involved. The prayer speaks directly to families who are in emotional pain.

NOVENA TO MARY,
QUEEN OF ALL HEARTS

O Mary, Queen of All Hearts,
Advocate of the most hopeless cases;
Mother most pure, most compassionate;
Mother of Divine Love,
full of divine light,
we confide to your care the favors which we ask of you today.

Consider our misery, our tears,
our interior trials and sufferings!
We know that you can help us 
through the merits of your Divine Son, Jesus.
We promise, if our prayers are heard,
to spread your glory, 
by making you known under the title of 
Mary, Queen of the Universe.

Grant, we beseech you,
hear our prayers,
for every day you give us so many proofs of your love
and your power of intercession to heal both body and soul.

We hope against all hope:
Ask Jesus to cure us, pardon us,
and grant us final perseverance.

O Mary, Queen of all Hearts, help us,
we have confidence in you. (3 times)

It is suggested that one go to confession and receive Holy Communion as well as saying the prayer.

Back Story

There is always a back story and after four years and 95,000 dollars in legal fees and the most horrific anxiety filled sleepless night  I had in a very long time, it has come to a close. Dramatic close.

Agendas. Sadly, I feel as though I was only a witness to a flawed and corrupt judicial system where the only winners are those who work in such a dysfunctional system from the detectives to the DA to the Judge all paid by the taxpayers. The privately hired Defense Attorney and the News's Writer are in a league of their own with outrageously high fees to sensational headliners.

Case in Point,

•  the police were legally allowed to lie because the means justifies the end.
•  the DA is not interested in justice but theatrics as to fulfill a desire for a future political office.
•  the shocked and irate judge who had to save his own public face when the DA decided to grand stand in the court room for the public after making a backroom deal unbeknown to the family .
• the defense attorney who did not feel it necessary to tell the family what was going on until after the fact. 
• the News's writer who had absolutely no clue as to the backroom shenanigans or the grand standing court theatrics and goes on to write an article filled with half truths and sensational headlines.

Where is the honesty and integrity in people? I certainly did not witness it.

There is a whole other side to this story. One in which I feel compelled to write about. I was approached about doing an interview. If I decide to decline the interview ( which I probably will) I will eventually write about it because in the end there is a little girl growing up without her father who will one day have to come to terms with all this. 

I also need to check in with my own conscious because I want my motives to be for the truth and not because I want to be revengeful or hurtful. My side of the story should be written without anger.

But right now it is a time to pray for healing. So many people are in pain right now and though there are several stories spinning today there are a few facts that remain; there is a child lost, a child removed, one person holding the (entire) bag and another who simply got away. There are families torn apart. There are families grieving, hurt, angry and wounded.

You know Spring is here when you hear the birds chirping prior to dawn. I like waking up to the sound of the birds. As I write this post, I am waiting for my alarm to go off signaling me to begin a new day though truth be told I have been up since 4am.

I do not sleep well but at least I slept last night considering I read about thirty articles just before I shut my eyes. Bill tells me to avoid reading that "shit". Why? I am not going to hide from it no matter what anyone says. I think I proved just that point the other day.

I do not feel like going into work today however I will force myself. One day licking my wounds and allowing myself to feel my emotions is good enough. More than one day and I would be feeling sorry for myself which goes against everything I am. I loathe "self-pity" of any form. My only concern is adding more stress to the stress I have already. It is times like this that I wish I were an office worker who could hide behind a desk and computer for the day. I am a Therapist which means I have to listen and talk to people. My work is about giving of myself so there is no hiding behind a computer involved.

I know God will help me today.

I know now that I will never go back to my house. Over the past year I had thoughts that maybe I could return and pick up the pieces however that thought ended yesterday.  If I cannot sell the house, I am walking away from it. Walking away is not what I am about as I have been financially responsible since I was 18 years old.

I deactivated my Facebook account as well. Stories have a habit of going viral in a matter of minutes and yesterday was no exception. Imagine how I felt when I came across the news article on the page of my husband's relative who had no idea of the connection between me and him. I can tell you what my reaction was. I wrote under the article on the page that "he is my son". Then there was the shock factor reaction of "what?????". Yeah. I said "he is my son and I love him".

People have been asking me why he pleaded that way and I have no answers and if I did have answers I doubt I would share them. I was completely taken off guard yesterday. I had to walk out of the room because the overwhelming feeling of wanting to vomit had taken over.

I did not go to work today.

I am looking for a permanent home now.

I will not live the remainder of my life in shame. I will not hide from this reality and if people prefer to drop from my life so be it. I know most will stay.

Exhausted. I am so mentally and physically exhausted. Stress has aged me. I never felt old until this past year.

Tired. I am so tired of keeping it altogether. It is now time for others to keep it altogether. I do not have the energy to keep my family together. They will need to navigate the road ahead. I cannot do it anymore.

I never asked for any of it. It has been thrown into my lap by others. I have always taken responsibility for my own life. I am 55 years old and have held a job since I was 18 years old. I put myself through college. I raised my children. I work long hours. I pay my bills. I do not lie. I do not steal. I believe in God. I believe in family. I believe in leading a decent life. I do not need to be rich nor famous nor anyone else but me. I am OK with me. If others are not OK with me, then frankly they can fuck themselves. I am over it. I am not mending anymore fences. I am done begging.

Washington Weekend