I want to talk about three categories of unsafe people - I'm sure there are more than three categories, but these are the ones I have faced the most so that is what I am writing about today.
First - is the walking wounded out there in the world who love their status as a victim. They are unhappy but they are happy in their unhappiness. You can't win for losing with these people.
Second - are the people who play from a different rule book. You know the ones I'm talking about. It never occurs to them to look at their part of the problem. They can rationalize, justify or minimize any hurt they have done to you by finding a way to blame you for their bad behavior. They are the narcissistic self-centered people who don't care if they hurt your feelings or not. Their end result justifies their means regardless of the price to others.
And the third category of unsafe people are the people who are caught up in the throws of their addiction. They will do what ever they need to do to get you to leave them and their addiction alone. We could talk until we are blue in the face and we will not change how they see things or make them understand. Dealing with them takes powerlessness to a whole new level.
There are times that even though we are right, even though the situation is unfair, we are not going to win the battle. Which means walking away with an unsatisfactory result. I don't know about you but this just sticks in my throat sometimes. In order to get beyond the choke hold this has on me, I have to hold it up to this program, the Serenity Prayer and more often than not talk it through. In the end I have choices to make.
First - is the walking wounded out there in the world who love their status as a victim. They are unhappy but they are happy in their unhappiness. You can't win for losing with these people.
Second - are the people who play from a different rule book. You know the ones I'm talking about. It never occurs to them to look at their part of the problem. They can rationalize, justify or minimize any hurt they have done to you by finding a way to blame you for their bad behavior. They are the narcissistic self-centered people who don't care if they hurt your feelings or not. Their end result justifies their means regardless of the price to others.
And the third category of unsafe people are the people who are caught up in the throws of their addiction. They will do what ever they need to do to get you to leave them and their addiction alone. We could talk until we are blue in the face and we will not change how they see things or make them understand. Dealing with them takes powerlessness to a whole new level.
There are times that even though we are right, even though the situation is unfair, we are not going to win the battle. Which means walking away with an unsatisfactory result. I don't know about you but this just sticks in my throat sometimes. In order to get beyond the choke hold this has on me, I have to hold it up to this program, the Serenity Prayer and more often than not talk it through. In the end I have choices to make.
1 - I can continue to try to make them understand, but the only thing I will accomplish is to frustrate myself even more. Which means that I keep walking on the insanity treadmill.
2 - I can stew over the unfairness of it and stay bitter and harbor resentments. I'm miserable but the unsafe people in my life are not miserable at all. For them life goes on as usual.
3- I can admit and accept that in this situation that I am powerless. In order for me to really do this, I have to dissect the situation and understand how I got caught up in it in the first place. It is important to learn what I need to do to ensure that I do not put myself in this situation again. You might say being fore warned is being fore armed.
The choice really is ours to make. So I ask you, why throw ourselves under the bus because we demand to be right about something that we cannot control or change?
Even though initially it galled me to admit my powerlessness I have learned that it is better to cut my losses and move on. I have also learn that these people are unsafe for me and in the future I try to keep my exposure to them to a minimum. Before I react to things that are out of my control I must determine if it was important enough to sacrifice my peace of mind over. We can win the battle and lose the war - or we can ask ourselves how important is it?
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