The holiday season is officially upon us. Oh Joy! Thanksgiving defined by Norman Rockwell is family sitting around a table with a bounty of food being thankful. I am thankful. I made it through another difficult year and I still stand. About a month ago I decided to take myself out of my comfort zone and do something different. I am a loner. I rather stay home with my own company, than socialize. When I feel emotional pain, my need to be alone increases two-fold. My need to be with people begins and ends at the steps of my job. Sitting in my recliner with a glass of wine, the computer, or a book has been my daily goal after work and/or on weekends. If I reflect on how my life was three years ago, I would tell you they were filled with children spending the weekend at my house popping pop corn, watching silly movies, playing games, snuggling, reading, cooking and singing.
How I wish I never took that life for granted. In a flash that life changed. As much as I grieve for that life back, I know in my heart that life is over. I have been moving forward, and at the same time not moving forward. The physical body goes about the day. I want the emotional brain to follow. So I took myself out of my loner comfort zone.
I have been active making plans with family and friends, and most importantly following through on those plans. I spent the weekend up the mountains with my sister, I went out last night to see a 60's band at a bar/grill with Bill's brother and his girlfriend. Today, I am doing the round about family thing. I am driving to Washington Crossing to see my parents with pie in hand. (Dad just had surgery) Afterwards I am driving to NE Philly with another pie in hand to take to my youngest son, before I have dinner at my niece's house with wine in hand and spend the remainder of the holiday with my sister's family.
Yes. I wish I was cooking and my immediate family were coming to my house, sitting around my table with grandchildren laughing and playing. It is not happening. It is really easy to make excuses and stay home in my pajamas snuggled under the blankets, and shut out the world. However, that is too comfortable and too easy. It is also too sad. Fake it until you make it. I will go out and laugh and still feel the underlying sadness of loss. The difference today is I do not have to do it alone. I will surround myself with those who care, not take for granted the simple pleasures and Thank God for Love and Support.
No comments:
Post a Comment