Games People Play

In my opinion, I rather be "punched upside the head" than "be stabbed in the back". I do not like confrontation, however, direct confrontation allows both parties to be on the same page and results in the facilitation of conversation and healing. The most negative form of Aggression is Passive Aggression.  


Passive Aggressive behavior  is defined as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. It is when one is angry with someone but does not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when one feels upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed one may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behavior, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be covert (concealed and hidden) or overt (blatant and obvious).

A passive aggressive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. They might appear in agreement, polite, friendly, down-to-earth, kind and well-meaning. However, underneath there may be manipulation going on - hence the term "Passive-Aggressive". (The famous back-stabber)

Passive aggression is a destructive pattern of behavior. It is a creation of negative energy. It can create immense hurt and pain to all parties involved. It happens when negative emotions and feelings build up and are then held in on a self-imposed need for either acceptance by another, dependence on others or to avoid even further arguments or conflict.
 
Some examples of Passive Aggression

Non-Communication when there is clearly something problematic to discuss.
Avoiding/Ignoring when one is so angry that one feels one cannot speak calmly.
Evading problems and issues.
Procrastinating intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones.
Obstructing deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change.
Fear of Competition thus avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something.
Ambiguity thus being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations.
Sulking thus being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.
Chronic Lateness is a way to put one in control over others and their expectations.
Chronic Forgetting shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way.
Making Excuses are ways of coming up with reasons for not doing things.
Victimization is the inability to look at their own part in a situation thus will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one.
Self-Pity the poor me scenario
Blaming others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation as a whole.
Withholding and using children as pawns in order to control without regard to the impact to the children.
Learned Helplessness where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves. Speaking in the tone and language of a baby/child.

Passive Aggression can be seen as a defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves which maybe automatic and stem from early experiences with core beliefs such as insecurity, low self-esteem, poor self-worth.  Patterns of unassertive and passive behavior may have been learned in childhood as a coping strategy possibly as a response to parents who may have been too controlling or not allowing their child to express their thoughts and feelings freely.
 
Consequences of Passive Aggressive Behavior

1. The behavior facilitates a sense of negativity, increases feelings of depression, self-hatred and low self-esteem.
2. The behavior avoids the real issues.

How to unlearn Passive Aggressive behavior

1. Awareness is half the battle. One cannot facilitate change if they are not aware of the pattern of behavior.
2. Take responsibility for actions and reactions.
3. Take an objective view of the presenting problem/situation.
4. Practice I-Messages such as "I feel----because-----".

 
How to survive the Passive Aggressive behavior of others.

1. Be aware of the patterns of Passive Aggressive behavior.
2. Be aware of responses to others and yourself– One cannot control the actions and reactions of others.
3. Be honest about your part in the situation
4. Set clear emotional and physical boundaries.
5. Model positive behavior.
6. Continue to focus on self and live a positive life.
7. Do not feed into their pathology.