New York New York

If you want to enjoy the City of New York without the high price of lodging and parking, then I recommend staying at the Sheraton in Weehawkin NJ. Less than a two hour drive from Montco, complete with Panoramic Suites with Panoramic views of the city, with a ferry just foot steps away and packages that include parking and breakfast is the best deal at just a little below three hundred dollars.

 I researched this hotel and its location several months ago and placed it on my bucket list of places to stay and visit. What drew me to this hotel was its close location to New York City and the fact it had its own dock for the ferry. You cannot beat 37 dollars round trip for two that takes you from hotel to midtown. Not to mention its spacious rooms and view across the river where you can lay in bed and see the Empire State Building or the New World Trade Tower.

Saturday morning we took the ferry over to midtown, hopped a cab to Times Square (8 dollars) then took the City Sightseeing tour bus to downtown (97 dollars). 

We toured places such as So Ho, Little Italy, Chinatown, Washington Square, Battery Park, Lower east Side, New York University.

We saw the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the Staten Island Ferry (free), some damage from Hurricane Sandy along the Hudson River, Brooklyn Bridge among other bridges, Tenement's from the early 20th Century.

We walked in Rockefeller's Square, walked briskly passed American Girl Place and Lego Store for fear I would actually walk in and drop a few hundred dollars on stuff my grandchildren love. We saw Radio City, Madison square Garden and every freaky looking character that meets the eye.

 It is amazing that you can walk through the neighborhood where the consulates live and the United Nations where they work and end up in sections where homeless tent cities stand, people beg and needle disposal boxes.

We stopped for a quick bite at the Irish Pub.

The wine was awful (cheap brand or end of a bottle) and the Shepherd's Pie was delicious.

Yes. These are people on the Hudson paddling on Surf Boards.

After we ate at the pub, we decided to walk back to the ferry. The ferry was around West 37th Street and 7th. By the time we reached the river and the ferry landing that heads back to Weehawkin, my toes were screaming bloody murder, my ass cheeks hurt and the sunburn on my nose could light up the dark. Those few steps from the ferry to the hotel felt like ten miles and as I layed upon the soft comfy bed waiting for darkness to fall so I could view the beautiful lights from our Panoramic Suite with its Panoramic View, I fell dead asleep until morning.

Simply Tired

Do you ever just get tired? Tired of waking up each day to facing a life with various roller coaster rides. I guess it is better than the merry-go-round where you spin in circles never to know if you can get off. The roller coaster has its ups and downs, it thrills and chills and at times you just want to scream until your lungs collapse.

I am tired. It is easier to give up than to keep going. Sometimes, I just want to throw in the towel. I do not want the roller coaster ride any longer. Maybe I want to trade in the roller coaster for the sky ride where you move along at a steady, but slow pace and can take in the wonder of the world below.

If I left this world tomorrow, I would be ready. I doubt others would be ready, but I am so tired of the climb that I want to sit upon the rock on the side of a mountain, and stare at the stars. I wonder if only then would I find peace.

And for all those who are appalled at this post, get over it.

Misconduct

The Philadelphia Police Department is a large organization with a long history. This history has included cases of misconduct by police officers.
In 1967, Police Commissioner Frank Rizzo came under fire for his handling of the 1967 Philadelphia Student Demonstrations.^{[citation needed]}
In 1985, the Philadelphia Police dropped a mixture of civilian and military explosives on a "home-made" wooden bunker, built on the roof of the Osage Avenue house occupied by members of the MOVE organization. The bomb ignited several barrels of gasoline, starting a fire which destroyed the entire block, leaving 250 people homeless, and killing eleven people.
In the early 1990s, a corruption scandal centered around officers in the department's 39th district in North Philadelphia led to the prosecutions of six officers, and attracted nationwide attention.^[
In 2009, Philadelphia police officer Frank Tepper shot and killed a neighbor in an incident not related to the police department. In 2011, he was found guilty of first-degree murder. State law requires a sentence of life.^[12]
In April 2010, Officer Robert Ralston, a 21-year veteran of the PPD, shot himself in the shoulder and claimed that he had been shot by one of two African Americans who he claimed had fled the scene.^[13] His statements resulted in a massive manhunt including SWAT personnel. After being confronted with evidence showing that he had shot himself and being offered immunity, he confirmed that the wound was self-inflicted. As of June 2010^[update], Ralston had been fired after being placed on paid leave following the admission.^[14]
In June 2011, Officer Howard Lomax became the 27th Philadelphia Police officer arrested in the previous two years.
In March 2012, Officer Keith Corley was found guilty on charges of indecent exposure and official repression related to allegedly raping a woman in his police car while he was on duty. He was acquitted on more serious charges.^[15]
In September 2012, Lt. Jonathan Josey punched a woman, Aida Guzman, in the face during a Puerto Rican Day Parade at 5th and Lehigh in Kensington; he was reported saying "that's what you get" as she was lying on the ground.^[16]
On May 22, 2013, Officer Jeffrey Walker, a 24-year veteran was arrested for ripping off drug dealers. He was allegedly caught on audio tape and on surveillance video talking to an FBI informant about schemes to set up known drug dealers in order to steal their drugs and cash. He was taken into custody leaving a home of an alleged drug dealer.^[17]

 

Law Enforcement

First of all, I do have respect for the Law Enforcement and appreciate the protection and safety they provide myself and other citizens. What I do not understand is the code of silence between them. Over the years there has been a huge increase in Police Corruption whereas citizens are being abused, arrested and placed in prison for crimes they did not commit due to a lack of integrity, brut force and down right lying. I have been naive. I am no longer naive and I want to bring to light what is exactly going on here in Philadelphia. Though most officers live and work by the code of Integrity and Honor, there are others who have total disregard for the law and want a quick arrest, conviction to look good. What about the person who is falsely arrested and forced to confess to something they never did. This behavior disturbs me because justice means justice and it is owed to the victims of any crime to have the correct person arrested and convicted and sent to prison. What disturbs me even more is the secrets and lying. I think every decent law abriding police officer should report what they see and not remain silent. By remaining silent, it tarnishes the integrity and honor which is suppose to be law enforcement. As a citizen, I have little control over what politics the FOP plays but I do have freedom of speech and I intend to use it. I will not allow this thing called corruption disappear in the dark.

Police Corruption Blues: Red Flags & Black Marks

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 11:27

by:

Linn Washington Jr.

A Philadelphia police officer stood outside the front door of the department’s headquarters building next to a “No Smoking” sign, cavalierly smoking a cigarette and ignoring the smoking ban imposed by the police commissioner.
While the officer flaunted the department's smoking ban, inside Philadelphia’s Police Administration Building (PAB) department officials were holding a disciplinary hearing for a policewoman charged with an alleged tax scam detailed in headline-making news coverage.
The actions of that smoking-ban ignoring police officer and the tax-scamming police officer each make a mockery of the Philadelphia Police Department’s professed motto of “Honor-Integrity-Service” –- a motto emblazoned in large letters on a wall outside the PAB’s main entrance.
Further, those actions, albeit not comparale in their severity, both symbolize a disturbing reality operative in law enforcement across America: violations by police receive different treatment from the authorities than violations by ordinary citizens.
The tax scam, detailed in reports by the Philadelphia Inquirer newspaper, involved 15-year veteran Officer Elaine Thomas, who fraudulently signed court documents claiming she was related to six persons she obtained houses from. By claiming the sellers were relatives, she was able to avoid paying city and state real estate transfer taxes, since transfers between relatives are exempt from taxation.
Corrupt cops have long been a staple of Hollywood films, but the problem is real and wide-spread in today's America

Those house ownership transfers included forged signatures from dead persons that Thomas variously contended were her living father, mother and sister, according to real estate documents.
In one transaction, Thomas allegedly claimed to be the sister of a dead woman who was over sixty years older than her. Thomas, who has rejected media requests for comments, reportedly has denied any improprieties.
Philadelphia police officials began an internal investigation of Thomas in June 2012 after the city’s District Attorney, incredibly, declined to file charges against Thomas.
The DA had reviewed allegations against Thomas for five years, a review that pushed off any investigation by the Police Department until completion of the DA's investigation.
The DA did charge two people with connections to those suspect home sales involving Thomas, including a woman who pleaded guilty to conspiracy involving the notarizing of phony property sales.
If the DA’s decision to not charge Thomas triggered suspicions about police receiving different treatment, the results of the police disciplinary hearing for Thomas underlined such suspicions.
Philadelphia’s Police Board of Inquiry only recommended a thirty-day suspension for Thomas after finding her guilty, reportedly for misconduct related to her fraudulently gaining possession of those six properties.

Police Corruption Blues: Red Flags & Black Marks

Police Corruption Blues: Red Flags & Black Marks

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 11:27

by:

Linn Washington Jr.

The wrist-slap of Thomas and other similarly mild disciplinary actions handed down to other officers during the past few months for arguably egregious offenses gives additional weight to long-standing claims that crime pays if the criminal is on the right side of the law.
Early this fall, Philadelphia police officials refused to discharge seven Police Department employees, including a staff member of a Deputy Police Commissioner, who admitted to fraudulently obtaining cash grants established to assist low-income residents in paying their utility bills.
The DA's Office did not charge those PPD employees involved in fleecing the government-funded energy assistance program.
Philadelphia Police Department officials extended the mild punishment of suspensions ranging from three to fifteen days to those employees admitting to utility theft and fraud, including a police detective lieutenant who earned $94,000 last year, according to city records.
The day after the wrist-slap discipline for Officer Thomas, Philadelphia prosecutors dropped charges in over forty drug cases and signaled their intent to drop over sixty additional cases due to the DA’s unwillingness to utilize the testimony of six narcotics squad officers responsible for those drug cases.
The week before the Thomas wrist-slap, local news broke about the refusal of Philadelphia prosecutors to pursue criminal cases that require testimony from those six officers assigned, including a police lieutenant.
Such rare action by prosecutors in refusing to employ the testimony of sworn police officers in prosecutions usually means the prosecutors have evidence that the officers in question are either tainted by or engaged in corrupted activities.
Philadelphia Police Department officials subsequently removed those six officers from narcotics work, but as yet the department hasn’t disciplined, discharged or arrested any of them.
The officers, reassigned to street patrol, recently posed for a photograph in their patrol uniforms, in which they can be seen smiling at a popular downtown Philadelphia tourist destination.
The police corruption-related news reports of last week mirror news in April 2009 about two Philadelphia narcotics field unit squads that were reassigned in the wake of local and federal probes into corrupt practices.
In September 2000, news broke about a FBI memo detailing patterns of corruption among a group of Philadelphia narcotics officers. including perjured testimony and stealing of money and drugs from suspected criminals.
The mid-1990s, a scandal in the 39th District also involved narcotics officers who were found to be preying on people. It led to the dismissal of more than 500 criminal charges, and to City Hall having to pay over $4 million to settle wrongful arrest lawsuits filed by the victims of that police abuse.
Andback in the 1980s there was the massive “One Squad Scandal” –- yet another incident of police corruption.
Police corruption, according to a widely utilized definition, is the misuse of police authority for personal gain.
This year, news reports detailed various corruption scandals in cities including Baltimore, New York City and Tulsa. In mid-October, four officers in a town in Oregon sent a letter to town officials charging the Police Chief there with engaging in corrupt activities including gambling on duty and covering up serious misconduct by officers under his command.

Police Corruption Blues: Red Flags & Black Marks

Fri, 12/14/2012 - 11:27

by:

Linn Washington Jr.

Elaine Thomas, the Philadelphia officer who received the wrist-slap discipline, received full support from Philadelphia’s police union –- the Fraternal Order of Police. Thomas is a minor official in the FOP.
The FOP had threatened to protest outside of the PAB in support of Thomas and in opposion to a plan by Philadelphia’s Police Commissioner to allow the news media to attend the normally private Board of Inquiry hearing.
Commissioner Charles Ramsey revoked his invitation for the media to attend the Thomas hearing, contending the hearing room was too small to accommodate reporters. He rejected claims that FOP pressure had prompted his reversal.
Earlier this year the FOP bragged about its clout when an arbitrator’s ruling forced the PPD to rehire an officer fired in 2011 after police investigators had videotaped that officer stealing money and drugs from suspected criminals.
That videotape, and other evidence developed by police Internal Affairs, followed reports from victims, confirmed by other police who had observed the misconduct, which was later reported in news media accounts.
During that officer’s termination from the PPD, the FOP paid him to perform odd jobs at the union’s headquarters.
Corrupt and brutal officers in Philadelphia, if they are discharged, often manage to regain their police positions through an arbitration process that is weighted in favor of the FOP thanks to the FOP’s ability to select sympathetic arbitrators and otherwise manipulate the process.

Police Personnel Misconduct

Integrity Starts With You. The first step is simple, but the hardest. Enough is enough. Stop protecting and tolerating other members’ inappropriate behavior. There is no justification for their wrongful actions. You owe yourself and your family a chance to work in a great Department where all of its members live and act according to your values of honor, service and integrity. If you see it, hear it, or know about, this is the place to do something. It’s up to all of us to bring back a sense of professionalism and pride to the Philadelphia Police Department.

New Arrests

PHILADELPHIA (CBS) — New charges have been filed against one allegedly corrupt Philadelphia cop, and an alleged partner in crime has also been charged.
This is another blow to the Philadelphia Police Department, already reeling from repeated allegations of corruption, acts of admitted corruption, and concerns about police shootings.
Garcia was arrested last year on charges he was not just a cop but also a heroin dealer, allegedly while in uniform and working out of his patrol car (see previous story).

(Sydemy Joanis. Phila. PD photo)

Now, a second officer — Sydemy Joanis — has been charged, the indictment unsealed today charging both Joanis and Garcia and Joanis with setting up and robbing drug dealers while on the job, using actual and threatened force.

Less than two weeks ago, in a separate case, veteran narcotics officer Jeffrey Walker was charged, and fired. It’s alleged that he planted drugs on a drug dealer, made an arrest, then stole a house key and went to the target’s home, where he stole approximately $15,000 (see related story).
This afternoon, Philadelphia police commissioner Charles Ramsey called it a sad day for the department — but also, in a sense, a good day.

Convicted

Convicted PPD Officers

Members of the PPD's Special Narcotics Unit, also known as The Five Squad:

• Officer John Baird
• Sergeant Thomas DeGovanni
• Officer Steven Brown
• Officer James Ryan
• Officer Thomas Ryan (on leave from the PPD at the time of conviction).
• Officer Louis J. Maier, was convicted on separate charges of robbery and battery.

Is Philadelphia the eighth most corrupt city

In the United States? A new study from researchers at the University of Illinois at Chicago and the Institute of Government and Public Affairs thinks so. But like so many finger-pointing “corruption” allegations, it’s complicated. The researchers based their study on public corruption convictions between 1976 and 2010. In that corruption model, Philly came in eighth place with 852 public corruption convictions. And as we all know, the best forms of corruption are the ones the corruptors get away with. Either way, number one on the list: Chicago. 1,531 convictions.

Eisenhower at Gettysburg

 

Eisenhower at Gettysburg

Eisenhower and Field Marshal Montgomery touring the Gettysburg Battlefield. President Dwight D. Eisenhower’s association with the town and battlefield of Gettysburg began in the spring of 1915 when, as a cadet at the US Military Academy at West Point, he visited with his class to study the battle. Three years later during the First World War, Capt. Eisenhower found himself back in Gettysburg with his wife Mamie and their first son. Despite his hope for duty overseas, he had been appointed commander of Camp Colt, the US Army Tank Corps Training Center located on the fields of Pickett’s Charge. Eisenhower’s orders were, “To take in volunteers, equip, organize, and instruct them and have them ready for overseas shipment when called upon.” At war’s end Eisenhower left Gettysburg for a new assignment, one of many in a 31 year career in which he rose to the rank of five star general. After World War II, while president of Columbia University, the General and his wife returned to Gettysburg to search for a retirement home. In 1950, fondly recalling Camp Colt days, they bought a 189 acre farm adjoining the Gettysburg Battlefield. Their retirement was delayed, however, when Eisenhower left for Europe to assume command of NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Eisenhower returned home to run for the Presidency in 1952. To kick off his Pennsylvania campaign, he welcomed state Republican leaders to a picnic at the farm. During his first term as President, he and Mamie renovated their Gettysburg home. Much of the original house was not sound and had to be torn down. The construction was complete by March of 1955 and the Eisenhowers began to visit on weekends and holidays. On weekends, the Eisenhowers entertained family and friends at the farm. The President enjoyed playing golf at the Gettysburg Country Club, shooting skeet at his skeet range, and inspecting his herd of Angus show cattle. Though Eisenhower used his weekends at Gettysburg to escape the pressures of the Presidency, work was never far away. He began each morning with a briefing on world events. Meetings with staff were common especially during his heart attack recuperation in 1955 when the Gettysburg Farm became the “Temporary White House.” Back in Washington, the President received a steady stream of dignitaries, many of whom he invited to Camp David for meetings, then on to his farm. After a tour of his Angus herd and cattle barns, Eisenhower brought these world leaders back to the house to sit on the porch. Eisenhower said the informal atmosphere of the porch allowed him, “to get the other man’s equation.” In 1961, after 45 years service to their country, General and Mrs. Eisenhower retired to their Gettysburg Farm. For the next eight years the Eisenhowers led an active life. The General worked weekdays at his Gettysburg College office, meeting political and business associates and writing his memoirs. He continued to serve as elder statesman advising Presidents and meeting world leaders. But the Eisenhowers’ greatest joy was to simply spend time on their farm with family and friends. General and Mrs. Eisenhower donated their home and farm to the National Park Service in 1967. Two years later, General Eisenhower died at the age of 78. Mrs. Eisenhower rejected the idea of moving to Washington to be closer to family and friends and continued to live on the farm until her death in 1979. The National Park Service opened the site in 1980.

Highly Recommend

These suites to stay if you are visiting Hershey Park.

 

The suites at Bluegreen resorts have two bedrooms (one with two double beds & another with one king size bed), each bedroom is complete with its own bath. The master bedroom has a whirlpool bath and detached glassed walk-in shower. The double beds room has a shower/bath enclosure. The suite has a large kitchen, breakfast table, living room with working fireplace, washer/dryer and if you want to visit the park, buy your tickets at Giant because they are discounted with a voucher for free parking. The suite has an indoor and outdoor pool, playground and train tower. It is close to Tanger outlets and many fine places to eat. I highly recommend this place especially if you are traveling with children because it gives you ample room.

Dirty Cops "It can happen to you"

Philadelphia spent nearly $25-million settling civil rights complaints against police between 2007 and mid-2010, alone.

 

Chicago spent an average of $39.1-million per year settling similar claims against police between 2004 and 2006.

 

New York City spent an average of $96.4-million between 1999 and 2008.

 

Police culture, particularly its no-snitching insularity, is “in part responsible for the prevalence of police misconduct and impedes meaningful police reform,” stated a 2010 article in The Catholic University Law Review.

 

The out-sized political power of police unions like the FOP compounds difficulties of policing police.

 

Philly's finest can punch a woman during a parade while filmed on camera and keep his job.

 

Philly's finest can cheat the city taxpayers out of 90,000 for false documentation of recorded overtime hours and keep his job.

 

Philly's finest can plant narcotics on a suspected drug dealer or worse, an innocent bystander and still keep his job.

 

Philly's finest can brutally beat a civilian and keep his job.

 

Philly's finest can co-hearse confessions, lie and steal and still keep his job.

 

All of the above statements are facts not fiction and all kept their jobs because their union made it happen. The Police Commissioner has less say than the FOP.

 

I grew up in a world where the police were the "good guys". I believed that truth most of my life. Then, it hit home. Then, I began to research. What I discovered was frightening. Nearly every week, a dirty cop is caught and every week that same dirty cop receives a hand slap and put back out on the streets.

 

When is it going to stop?

 

When are the law-abiding cops going to shout, "enough"?

John D and Mary Drexel Lankenau

Lankenau Hospital was founded in 1860 as the "German Hospital of Philadelphia" located on Morris Street in North Philadelphia. In 1917, many German institutions took new names with the entry of the United States intoWorld War I. The hospital renamed itself "Lankenau Hospital" after John D. Lankenau, a successful German-born Philadelphia businessman who was one of the first supporters and leaders of the Hospital.

After relocating to larger facilities at Girard and Corinthian Avenues in North Philadelphia, Lankenau moved to Wynnewood in the "Main Line" region of the suburbs in December 1953. Its new location was the former site of the Overbrook Country Club and golf course. Since then, the Hospital has continued to grow, along with its community. Today, Lankenau Medical Center serves southeastern Pennsylvania by offering a wide variety of primary and specialty clinical services, residency and fellowship programs, and research programs emphasizing cardiovascular disease, cancer, and diabetes.

Earlier I posted a picture of the Mary Drexel House. The founding of the Mary Drexel House was in honor of Mary Drexel, John Lankenau's wife. In its earlier days, it was known as the Home for Aged German Men and Women which is interesting since I located a mass burial plot in Westminster Cemetery a few years ago and wondered where that particular home was located.

Genealogy is putting the pieces together of a world/life that has gone before us and when one finds another piece of the puzzle, it makes so much sense. My grandmother Marie Schroeder Weleski gave birth to her last child, John on February 17th, 1945 at Lankenau Hospital. I always thought it was at the present location on the Main Line. However, according to the history, Lankenau was located at Girard & Corinthian Avenues until 1953. That makes sense to me. I often wondered why my grandmother traveled from her East Falls home to the Main Line to give birth. At the time, it made sense that she would chose a German hospital as she was born German Lutheran. I often wondered why she did not give birth at Roxborough Memorial. The Weleski family were from the Manayunk/Roxborough area. Of course the story has a sad ending. My grandmother suffered a stroke immediately after John's birth and went into a coma. She died February 19th, 1945 and is interred at Laurel Hill Cemetery where her father, John Schroeder was a "grave digger". I wonder if my grandmother had preeclamysia, a condition where a woman has increased blood pressure in the later stages of pregnancy. My grandmother was 38 years old at the time of her death. Again, preeclamysia is common in women who are older. Left untreated. the mother most certainly dies from a stroke and/or seizures.

Back to the Mary Drexel Home......The home still stands today. I do not know if the residents are still interred in that mass grave in Westminster Cemetery, but I believe they are not. Lankenau Hospital still stands today on the Main Line and has recently began a kidney transplant program. In its day, it was run by German speaking physicians and nurses and provided treatment to the poor.

As a post note, Katherine Drexel (saint) was Mary Drexel's cousin.

Mary Drexel House 1895

238 Belmont Ave, Bala Cynwyd, PA 19004

6th & Callowhill in 1915

Mother

It is yet another Mother's Day where flower and card sales hit an all time high, brunches, dinners, lots of smiles on mothers and children alike. Exactly what is a mother? Look at the social networks and you will see pages and pages of "my mom is the greatest. bless my mom in heaven. smiles. smiles. more smiles."

Grant it. If you raised a child or two, three or ten, you know first hand the responsibility. It is a responsibility that supersedes every other responsibility in life and though responsibility lessens as the child becomes older, the small worries are replaced with large worries and though we are suppose to love our children unconditionally and with all our hearts, there are times when one does not like their children. However, do not expect any mother to ever admit that statement. "I love you but man, sometimes I really do not like you."

Then there is the guilt.

Probably do not want to go there.

I was told that a Catholic mother's duty was to keep the family together in times of adversity. I guess that extends to grandchildren and in-laws. Let me just say, that last statement has been one I have reminded myself at least ten times a day in the past oh, I cannot even tell you. I do believe it is my job as a mother and a grandmother to go above and beyond to keep my family together. I follow my conscious and it never let's me down. I do not follow the advice of others, though I know they give it out of love. I can only follow my conscious. I also have learned in the last month or so to keep my mouth shut. My thoughts are my thoughts. My feelings are my feelings. My pain is my pain. My joy is my joy. People pretend to care/understand and/or they really do care, however, they have no clue and though I thought it was a good idea to share my thoughts and feelings, I realized unless my shoes have been walked in there really is no understanding.

Mother's Day? My grandmother did not celebrate the day. She did not believe "mothers" needed a special day to be honored, because carrying a child, giving birth to a child, walking the hall with baby in arms on many sleepless nights, kissing boo boos on sore knees, crying with or for, loving, adoring, being frustrated and angry with, and sometimes just not liking them, but loving them was a gift from God and not a commericalized day to be honored because everyday it is a honor to be a mom.

The Courting Candle

"Tis time to come in from the porch, Sarah."

Sarah White was a proper young colonial woman who believed in all the good rules for virtuous behavior that her mother taught her. But sarah, also being a bit headstrong would often defy her training by dallying a bit too long when her suitor came to call. "Come in from the porch, Sarah," her mother would call. "Tis not yet time," Sarah would respond and continue doing whatever it is that young lovers do when spared the watchful eye of their elders.

Now Sarah's father, being a strict man, could not long tolerate her boldness, and so devised an ingenious solution. Taking the family candle holder, he placed it on the porch next to Sarah. He then adjusted it to measure a precise amount of time.

"Come in from the porch Sarah," her mother would call. "Tis not yet time," Sarah would respond. "The candle has burned down to the first ring. So tis time," said her father. Legend has it that from the incident the "courting candle received its name.

Legend also has it that if a father liked the gentleman who came calling for his daughter, he set the candle to burn longer and if he did not like the gentleman who came calling, he set the candle to burn faster.

Enmeshed Family Systems

The Problem of "Enmeshed" Family Relationships

In enmeshed families there is no sense of boundary. Everything is controlled by the rules of “the

family.” The individual has no rights or feelings other than those which fit in to what is proper

for the entire group. The son/daughter dutifully follows in the footsteps of the father and the

daughter/son might seem to be a "clone" of the mother. 

When the son or daughter misbehaves the parent will say, “How could you do that to me?” Or,

when the child succeeds, it is seen as the parents succeeding. There is no differentiating between

that one person is and does and what other family members are and do. All are enmeshed into

an “undifferentiated family ego mass.”

Enmeshed Boundaries

• Are you unsure if what you're feeling stems from you or others?

• Do you often allow others to cross over your boundaries even when it makes you uncomfortable?

• Do you fail to recognize your uncomfortable feelings, or do you feel like you can't do anything to protect yourself even when you do recognize those feelings?

• Do you tend to blame others for the way you feel?

• Are your beliefs and values unclear to you?

How can I know if I am in an enmeshed relationship?
Those in enmeshed relationships are often the last to see it. But with awareness you can start to recognize some of the signs:

1. If you cannot not tell the difference between your own emotions and those of a person with whom you have a relationship.

2. If you feel like you need to rescue someone from their emotions.

3. If you feel like you need someone else to rescue you from your own emotions.

4. If you and another person do not have any personal emotional time and space.

Part II
How to disengage from an enmeshed family system. You can detach with love.