Week in Pictures

Once a week, I download all the pictures off my I-Phone and upload them here. We will begin with the workweek and all those shoes I wear with all those skirt suits.

 

 

 On the road to the mountains

 

When we reached the mountains we were in the middle of an ice storm, so we stopped at a mall and purchased some spoils including new winter coats for the boys.

 

 After we left the mall and checked into the resort, Nikolas received his birthday gifts.

The ice turned to snow so the boys made snowballs out on the balcony of our room at the resort. You would never know they both have blue eyes from this demonic shot.

 

Early the next morning, I sat drinking my coffee, listening to the babbling brook and watching the boys as they slept snuggled under their down comforters.

 

The resort has a cute little buffet breakfast café which had a great view of the freshly laid snow.

 

The boys enjoyed making their own Belgium waffles under the supervision of the Mom Mom.

 

After breakfast we went outside on the deck to have our picture taken by the Christmas Tree. We did not have our coats (back in the room) and yes it was cold.

 

Saturday afternoon, my sister Marianne and her husband Ron along with their two grandsons Joseph and Collin joined us for the day to swim then eat at the Japanese Restaurant. My sister and her husband have a mountain home about 45 mins south of the resort.

Fabulous Four

 

After dinner, we took a walk on the trail located on the resort's property through the woods by the stream and waterfall.

 

Marianne told ghost stories and we wondered if we would see a bear.

 

Bill and Marianne on the other side of the bridge.

 

Sunday morning came and I watched these two sleep, though you really cannot see Nikolas as he is the lump to the right of Shaun.

 

We stopped at Denny's for breakfast after we checked out of the resort.

 

Once we got outside of Montco, the ice fell and there were accidents all over the turnpike. We decided it was too dangerous to drive the boys home to Delaware County, so we made a stop at our place where I made Hot Coco, spaghetti  and we dined at the table, Bill and I rarely use anymore.

A few hours later our weekend came to an end when Bill switched vehicles (got into the four wheel drive) and drove the boys down to Delaware County and home. The birthday weekend was a huge success and many more great memories were made.

Celebrating a Grandson's Birthday and Family Living

One tradition I follow is special birthday celebrations for my grandchildren and Nikolas's 9th birthday was no exception. We spent the weekend at the Woodland Inn, one of our favorite get-away spots in the mountains. The resort houses a couple of restaurants one which is the Shogun Hibachi Grill with great Japanese food. My sister and her two grandsons Joseph and Collin joined my two grandsons Shaun and Nikolas.

 

 

Sister Grandmothers

 Japanese

 Putting on a show

 Veggies

Rice and Noodles

Lobster, Shrimp, Chicken, Filet Migon

Let's Eat

 Happy Birthday Japanese Style

Nikolas Turns Nine

Yum

Life Jacket

I do not want to be anyone's Life Jacket, Anchor, Strength. I am not anyone's Life Jacket, Anchor or Strength. I do not want to be held on a pedestal or the person with some sort of magic wand. I just want to be ordinary, normal, me. Lately, I have been called these terms by some of my patients. I do not want to live up to these terms. I work hard. I advocate. I am not a Life Jacket. The only Life Jacket in the room is them. I guide. I do not fix. I can't change anyone. They can only change themselves. It makes me very uncomfortable to be referred to in these terms. It is not a lack of self-esteem or poor self-worth, it is being viewed as some unique being, guardian angel, held above and I am not any of those things. I am simply human. I care. I have compassion and empathy. I believe in people and chose to see the positive instead of the negative. I know what it feels like to be hurt, judged, avoided. I work with a population that is used to society looking down upon them, judging them, avoiding them. They come from places of very low self-esteem and poor self-worth. They cannot even identify one positive thing about self.

Then, someone like me comes along.

Look for the solution and not the problem. Keep it moving.

I am often asked if I am in recovery. The answer surprises a lot of people. I am not in recovery but I know what addiction can do. I have had struggles with depression but I have come out of the dark tunnel and entered the sunlight. I believe in moving forward. I really believe in moving forward. I also believe that I cannot control how someone thinks, feels or behaves but I can control how I think, feel and behave. I can act instead of react. I try to model behavior. I am authentic. I do not sugar coat or lie.

What a sense of freedom it is not to believe we can control another person!

What a sense of freedom it is to not take on someone else's stuff!

I am not a Life Jacket. I understand you took a train from Western Pa to have me as your therapist. However, I am human and my name is Pat.

Life Moves ON

I could not sleep last night. Events of the day would not allow my mind to rest. As one hour became two then three, I told myself it was alright that I did not sleep. I knew I could survive the following day without the sleep. I have done it before. Funny thing happened. I fell asleep for a few hours. I am grateful for small surprises.

I was told something that stung to the core of my bones. If I heard this two years ago, I would have blamed myself, felt less than, would have beat myself up. I am not that same person. My self-esteem is healthy and intact. What a grand feeling! I am comfortable with who I am. The words did sting and they occupied my mind, however, I did not feel bad about myself in any shape or form. Again, it was a grand feeling. I intend to remain positive and continue to move forward. Truth be told, the words had no basis. Over the years my kindness was mistaken for weakness, and my compassion taken for granted. I am not weak but strong and just because my compassion was manipulated does not mean I never knew the game.

My classes were approved for January at Bryn Mawr College. My director approved my attendance and therefore I can take Fridays off from work starting January 17th through March 21. I am attending a post Masters program for a certification in Trauma Therapy. He asked that I teach the other counselors what I have learned. I told him it was a deal. I registered for the classes back in August with the hope that persistence would pay off. I am glad I held on.

Life moves on.

Resentment to Forgiveness

By holding on to our resentments we lose control and power. Ever notice how easy it is for the people we resent to jerk our chain and stir up negative emotions in us? Resentments are like a ball and chain that we drag around our prison of bitterness and self-pity. It marks the spot were our pride, ego or self-esteem has been grievously wounded. That wound festers and grows like a poison inside of us, and that all consuming obsession bleeds over into our other relationships 

Being vindicated,  revengeful or getting even can consume us. The more I thought about what they did, the more it fed my resentment. It tainted every thing in my life. It made daily living miserable.

  

What I have learned is that the pain from resentment is not a life sentence unless I choose for it to be. Neither does it mean that things can be mended or even that they should be mended. Whether it is mended or not we move on from the pain through forgiveness. It is the only way we can take off that ball and chain.

 

Forgiveness

 

1 - Is a change of attitude.
2 - Choosing not to be a victim.
3 - The ability to move forward.
4 - Does not mean I have to have that person/people in my life.

5- Is a sense of freedom and acceptance.

Week in Pictures

I guess we will start with the shoes.

 

 

 Followed by our Pre-Thanksgiving Eve Flower Power Concert Event out in Royersford.

 

 Thanksgiving 2013

 

It was my weekend to be on-call and on-site. I teach the Addicted Brain Science Class so I had copied hand-outs from NIDA to share with the class of 26.

The Christmas Tree

I had the day off. I guess there are some benefits to working the weekend. I watched the sun rise this morning despite the misty fog, drank a cup of hot brewed coffee, threw on some yoga pants and a hoodie and off I went to the gym before I went shopping at Whole Foods. I like to buy fruits, vegetables and bakery goods at Whole Foods and I like to buy my meats at the Acme. Whole Foods also has a nice flower shop where I often purchase flowers or plants. Today, I picked up then put down a mini-Christmas tree complete with lights, and ornaments. I have not decorated for Christmas or any other holiday since I felt forced out of my house in Roxborough more than two years ago. Prior to that I had loved to decorate for Christmas with a living tree, ornaments, lights, candles, stockings that truly hung over a fireplace and the annual open house on Christmas Eve. Tragedy stroked in early 2011 and any type of normal living went out the door. I went into survivor mode and in many aspects continued to do so. We stayed in the house for about eight months, but three break-ins forced us to rent out our house and move out of the city. I sometimes wonder if I will ever move back. It was the house of my dreams, large, old and full of warmth and charm. It was filled with happy memories of children laughing, the sound of kittens playing with their collar bells ringing, the site of family get-togethers, filled with love. God, I miss that feeling!

The mini-Christmas tree was 20 bucks. I picked it up, looked at it, thought about placing it on my dining room table, stopped, then put it back down. I could not bring myself to buy it anymore, than I could pull out the decorations packed away in a closet in the apartment I currently live at. I guess I am not ready to jump into any holiday season, though I must admit I am better this year. I did spend time with family at Thanksgiving and I bought Christmas gifts for the little ones thus far. I had thoughts of having family come over for a little Christmas cheer the weekend before Christmas. However, it is still just a thought. I am unsure whether or not I can actually go through with that sort of plan. Some people wonder why I would even share these personal thoughts or feelings on a blog site. I am a genealogist. I want a living record. I also know, I am not alone.

Games People Play

In my opinion, I rather be "punched upside the head" than "be stabbed in the back". I do not like confrontation, however, direct confrontation allows both parties to be on the same page and results in the facilitation of conversation and healing. The most negative form of Aggression is Passive Aggression.  


Passive Aggressive behavior  is defined as a non-verbal aggression that manifests in negative behavior. It is when one is angry with someone but does not or cannot tell them. Instead of communicating honestly when one feels upset, annoyed, irritated or disappointed one may instead bottle the feelings up, shut off verbally, give angry looks, make obvious changes in behavior, be obstructive, sulky or put up a stone wall. It may also involve indirectly resisting requests from others by evading or creating confusion around the issue. Not going along with things. It can either be covert (concealed and hidden) or overt (blatant and obvious).

A passive aggressive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. They might appear in agreement, polite, friendly, down-to-earth, kind and well-meaning. However, underneath there may be manipulation going on - hence the term "Passive-Aggressive". (The famous back-stabber)

Passive aggression is a destructive pattern of behavior. It is a creation of negative energy. It can create immense hurt and pain to all parties involved. It happens when negative emotions and feelings build up and are then held in on a self-imposed need for either acceptance by another, dependence on others or to avoid even further arguments or conflict.
 
Some examples of Passive Aggression

Non-Communication when there is clearly something problematic to discuss.
Avoiding/Ignoring when one is so angry that one feels one cannot speak calmly.
Evading problems and issues.
Procrastinating intentionally putting off important tasks for less important ones.
Obstructing deliberately stalling or preventing an event or process of change.
Fear of Competition thus avoiding situations where one party will be seen as better at something.
Ambiguity thus being cryptic, unclear, not fully engaging in conversations.
Sulking thus being silent, morose, sullen and resentful in order to get attention or sympathy.
Chronic Lateness is a way to put one in control over others and their expectations.
Chronic Forgetting shows a blatant disrespect and disregard for others to punish in some way.
Making Excuses are ways of coming up with reasons for not doing things.
Victimization is the inability to look at their own part in a situation thus will turn the tables to become the victim and will behave like one.
Self-Pity the poor me scenario
Blaming others for situations rather than being able to take responsibility for your own actions or being able to take an objective view of the situation as a whole.
Withholding and using children as pawns in order to control without regard to the impact to the children.
Learned Helplessness where a person continually acts like they can’t help themselves. Speaking in the tone and language of a baby/child.

Passive Aggression can be seen as a defense mechanism that people use to protect themselves which maybe automatic and stem from early experiences with core beliefs such as insecurity, low self-esteem, poor self-worth.  Patterns of unassertive and passive behavior may have been learned in childhood as a coping strategy possibly as a response to parents who may have been too controlling or not allowing their child to express their thoughts and feelings freely.
 
Consequences of Passive Aggressive Behavior

1. The behavior facilitates a sense of negativity, increases feelings of depression, self-hatred and low self-esteem.
2. The behavior avoids the real issues.

How to unlearn Passive Aggressive behavior

1. Awareness is half the battle. One cannot facilitate change if they are not aware of the pattern of behavior.
2. Take responsibility for actions and reactions.
3. Take an objective view of the presenting problem/situation.
4. Practice I-Messages such as "I feel----because-----".

 
How to survive the Passive Aggressive behavior of others.

1. Be aware of the patterns of Passive Aggressive behavior.
2. Be aware of responses to others and yourself– One cannot control the actions and reactions of others.
3. Be honest about your part in the situation
4. Set clear emotional and physical boundaries.
5. Model positive behavior.
6. Continue to focus on self and live a positive life.
7. Do not feed into their pathology.